Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 75

Sixth form on Monday was tough after a restless night of no sleep, lying awake frightened for my life after the note we'd found in the car the previous night. Harry picked me up at eight thirty and I gave him a false smile as I got into the car, which if it looked as unconvincing as it felt, was awfully shaky and showed I was now permanently overthinking.

Trying not to worry only made me worry harder. This was bigger than before, what they'd put in that note made it seem like my life was in danger. Or maybe Harry's was? I felt like someone was going to die and it made my stomach churn every time I thought about it.

"You look awful, Jess," Harry said blatantly, with just a hint of sympathy. His large hand cupped my thigh and he tried to look me in the eyes but I avoided his stare.

"Thanks," I replied slightly miserably.

"Are you still scared about the note?" he asked, although he knew. "I told you, we're going to be fine. No one's going to touch you. Or me."

"You say that but you can't be certain," I gushed in response, finally jolting my head round to him and meeting his eyes as mine started to well up. I gave him this look of despair that told him just how terrified I was.

"I won't let anything happen to either of us. I promise," he told me in a soothing voice, reaching for me and enveloping my body in a warm, comforting hug across the divider. "Stressing about it will do nothing but turn you into a mess, and I don't like to see you upset."

"It was just so... cruel," I blubbered, trying not to cry but failing. "Who says something like that?"

"I don't know, baby. But I do know that whether that creep has the balls to turn his words into actions or not, we're going to be okay because I'm going to make sure of it. Okay?"

I pulled back slightly and stared at the pure determination in his eyes. He looked like he'd do anything to protect me; it gave the illusion that he was suddenly big, strong, tough Harry that I'd seen before when we first met. The Harry that wasn't afraid to speak his mind or get into a fight. But this time I didn't feel nervous about that Harry making an appearance. I knew he was able to control himself better now, and he'd only follow through with his promise if he really had to.

To that, I nodded meekly and hugged him again, feeling his body heat radiating through his shirt and his soft arms around me — squeezing me gently. I felt safer now I'd seen him again. After he left last night I felt so alone and vulnerable, like anyone could hurt me whenever they liked, but being in Harry's arms reminded me just who I had there to watch over me.

I felt slightly more relaxed at school after that, but still a touch on edge. I couldn't help but let my mind drift to the endless possibilities that the threatening message held. What if the person that had left it was in the room with me right now? What if they're waiting for me when I get home? What if Harry isn't safe right now and I'm completely oblivious and unable to help him?

I snapped myself out of it every now and then but it was hard to concentrate, which was worrying with exams only three months away. I was already having to cram in revision wherever possible and work overly hard, because if I didn't I wouldn't get the grades, I wouldn't get into uni and then my whole plan for the future would be flipped upside down. No pressure.

Mckenzie and Louis were keen to hear all about our trip to New York at lunch time. It was a bit tedious going over everything again and again for everyone who wanted to hear, but at the same time I was happy to gloat about how much of an amazing time we had, plus it took my mind to a better place. A place I wished I still was. From then on I decided to think about New York whenever I started to think negative thoughts and it worked pretty well.