Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 50

"Jess? I... I don't know if you can hear me, can you hear me?"

Yes, I can hear you. Why wouldn't I be able to?

"Erm... well, if you can, then just hear me out."

I said yes? I can hear you.

"Oh God, I feel awful. I never meant to hurt you. What I did was... it was horrendous. I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me after that, I would hate me."

I don't hate you. Well, I do, but... I don't know, it's complicated. I need time to process th-

"I totally get why you would, I was out of line and I'm so sorry. I made so many promises and broke them all at once."

Why aren't you listening to me? You didn't even let me finish.

"I totally let my anger get the best of me and I'm scared I ruined everything."

Suddenly, it struck me that my eyes weren't open. How was I having a conversation with my eyes closed? All I could see was black and I was starting to feel confused, what was happening? Who was I even talking to? I could hear a voice addressing me but it wasn't someone's voice, just a voice. I felt the touch of a hand, but the person seemed so far away. I was so disorientated and it was like I couldn't get a word in edgeways.

"I'm sorry I brought Zayn into it, too. I know that annoyed you. I was just furious."

It did, he doesn't deserve any of the shít you give him.

Laughter. "You probably can't even hear a word I'm saying, for all I know this is like confessing everything I'm feeling to a brick wall. I'm just not sure I have the courage to say this when I know for sure you're listening."

What are you talking about? I told you I can hear you and I'm responding? Why aren't you listening to me!

A tired sigh. "I... I love you, Jess. I'm so sorry, and no matter what happened or what will happen from here on, I will always love you. I never say it - I'm not sure I ever have - but you mean so much to me. Please wake up. Wake up, Jess..."

Drifting away. I feel like I'm all too conscious whilst falling asleep, aware of my body shutting down. Or maybe they're drifting away? I can't tell. The darkness is overpowering, pulling me under and becoming the only thing I can see, feel, hear.

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"She's coming round!"

The first voice I hear is Niall's, I think. My eyes were slowly opening, revealing a harsh light that felt like it was piercing my brain. My head was throbbing, and before I was even properly awake I was taking note of the nauseous feeling in my stomach and throat. The room smelt sterile and everything was white, the mattress under my body firm, not like my own at home.

I'm waking up. Why am I waking up? I wasn't even aware I'd been asleep.

My brother's face is full of concern as his head pops into my eye-line. He's at my side when I lower my gaze to the room, looking both relieved and worried at the same time. I can't help but squint as the bright yellow light invades my eyes, making the pain worse. His face is battered - bruises and a few small cuts littered his pale skin, and he had stitches in his lower lip.

Before I can even think about where I am, what happened to us, or why my head hurts so much, I instantly remember the conversation lingering in my head, demanding not to be forgotten. Realisation strikes me like it's a bowling ball and I'm the pins, being knocked over all of a sudden. I tried to sit up quickly in my panic, but a sharp pain in my eye made me slow down and wince.