Thinking About You... (Discontinued)

Part 20: Hanging By The Thinnest String

sorry for the late update. Xxx

Frank wondered if this was how it felt to walk down The Green Mile; the route straight to the end of your life. No, he was over reacting, he was not going in the direction of Old Sparky, but to his lover... or perhaps ex-lover? Only one way to find out, simply ask. However, Frank's legs, as if made of lead, caused him to be extra slow walking down the corridor to Gerard's cell.

Gerard sat on his bed, nursing his left hand which was still menacingly tensed into a fist. Bert's blood still hung onto his scratched skin and stained his already ugly orange vest. His unreadable expression put Frank even more on edge. The teen never thought he'd be afraid of the man he loved, yet here he was trembling pityfully. Frank knew he should be down on his knees begging for forgiveness, although, instead he gingerly stepped into the cell and wordless stared, frozen in fear.

"I know I was not the best boyfriend, I know you had needs," they might as well have been speaking halfheartedly about the terrible weather, for Gerard's voice did not sound like his own and it sent shivers creeping up Frank's spine, "but I never thought you'd..." He trailed off, looking back down at his hands which ached from the punches he delivered less than fifteen minutes ago. Had everything he'd ever know really evaporated that quickly?

"G-gee," Frank's voice cracked terribly, "I l-love y-you." It was all he could manage to say for the younger did not know how to begin to explain.

"Then why did you do it?!" Gerard screamed back, leaping up in anger at the betrayal. Frank flinched and whimpered at his tone.

"I did it for you!" Realising how that sounded he tried to redeem himself. "What I-I mean i-"

"Oh yes! What a present for the person you say you love! Make a fool of them! And let someone else touch you, feel you down and take you against the wall! Is that how it is Frankie?!" Gerard's cruel words hit Frank dead in the chest. He was like a six stringed guitar amd every time someone's words or actions struck him hard, a string would break, he felt it. He felt one snap at that moment, leaving Frank with only one left, the thinnest one because Gerard was calling him a whore.

And was he a whore? He did, after all, attempt to throw himself at his older counsellor at the beginning of that summer.

"We made a deal," Frank began sadly, "my body to free your's... It started off as just a blowjob but... you can't trust Bert McCracken. He promised he'd leave you be if he, um, got to, um... you know."

More silence perused as Gerard took the information in. He did not, to Frank's dismay, look any less betrayed or relieved."Did you like it?" Gerard asked quietly and now it was Frank's turn to become enraged.

He took large steps forward until he was right in front of Gee, then he shoved him hard yelling, "Do you fucking think I'd enjoy that! How could you even say such a thing, you stupid, stupid man! How about you get your head out of your fucking ass for a fucking minute Gerard, and just fucking listen to me, you fucked up narcissistic bastard!"

"I'd rather have my head up my ass than fucking Bert McCracken's dick!" That single string quivered under the strain of Gerard's harsh words. "And what the fuck am I supposed to think Frankie?!"

"I-I don't know, be, like, somewhat greatful?!"

"What?!"

"I fucking took it up the ass for you to be freed from Bert's shit! I saved you," he sobbed. "I really thought that you'd do the same for me, obviously not."

"Jesus, Frank, you've so naive! I have been doing the same thing for you! He raped me every night didn't he?!"

"Then I don't see why you are so mad at me, I'm just returning the favour; protecting you, like you have done for me countless times."

"That's completely different!"

"How?!"

"I don't need protection! And y-you lost your virginity, I thought you'd keep that for me."

"I wish I could have," Frank said in a softer tone, he eliminated the safe distance the two had made, and kissed Gee on the lips lightly. He entertwined his fingers through Gee's and pulled him in the direction of the cell's bed. "Please Gerard, can we please leave this now? Lie with me."

Gerard gave in and they lay down, tired out by each other. The loud silence felt alien now.

"Don't worry Gerard, I know how to get rid of Bert." At another time Gerard would have of course retaliated with the obvious question; what do you mean? But the older's head was swimming with his own torturous thoughts.

He was thinking how he loved the younger boy lying in his arms. He was thinking how he'd do anything for Frank, he'd protect him for the rest of their time in the prison and he'd make sure he'd have money, food and a home when they finally got out. However, there was one thing that Gerard doubted he could ever do, the thing that tore his heart; he could never look at him the same, or touch him and therefore was sure that the two would not end up having their happily ever after as planned.