I Want You Back, Cyn

Chapter 8

L-listen, Cyn. We need to talk.
Talk about what?
You and Me?
Really? Because what is there to say? You was the one who left for another woman.
Cyn calm down, don't be like that.
Well what could there possibly be that is so important you dragged me all the way to New York for?
Christ, woman. Why are you acting like this? This is not you.
I-i'm sorry it's just, my marriage is not going so great right now...
Oh really what's the matter Cyn?
Well, I don't think I've ever loved him. Even the minute after we married I knew it was a mistake.
Oh good because you belong with me, I thought to myself. Oh um I'm sorry it's like that..
Yeah well It's not as perfect as what you and Yoko seem to have. She said with sarcasm.
Oh er.. she and I aren't doing too good. Come to think of it, I don't think I ever really loved her.. She's only in it for the money and fame and stupid shit like that. My voice got quieter. I was wrong to leave you....
Wait.. What did you just say?
I said I WAS WRONG TO LEAVE YOU ALRIGHT? I said angered.
I saw her eyes grow big and she paused for a minute. I honestly don't know what to say...
Please just say something.
You can't just leave me for another woman and then want me back.. You can't play with my feelings again like you used to. One minute you'd tell me you loved me, then the next minute you wouldn't even look at me. You told me I was the woman you wanted, but you left a couple of weeks later... You can't do this again.
Don't you think I don't know how much I've hurt you? For the past 4 fucking days all I've been thinking about is you and how much I've been a shitty husband to you. Please tell me how you feel. I want to know how to fix this.
Fix this? I don't think you can.. I act as though you and Yoko were meant to be and that what happened between us was just life.. Oh well I used to think. That's just life. I was hiding all of the pain you had caused me. Do you really want to know how I'm feeling? Fine then. I saw her tears start rolling down her cheeks, You always made me feel like I was second best and like I was a doormat. Tell me, When you fucked all of those women were you both laughing at me behind my back? Good old Cynthia, She doesn't have a clue what's going on. Did you not think about your family? Oh wait of course you put yourself before Julian and I. Her voice got louder and more angrier, You made me feel like I wasn't important to you. You made me feel lonely, You'd look at me with disgust and you wouldn't talk to me. I'd always think: What have I done wrong? I always felt like I was letting you down and that I was an embarrasment to you. When we'd go to all of these parties with all of the models I saw your eyes looking and staring at these beautiful models, you'd flirt with them, it left me feeling like I wasn't pretty enough or good enough. When you took drugs you were so distant from me, I really tried to make our marrige work, but you just kept pushing me away, you made me feel lonely.
C-cyn I'm so sorry I had no idea.. Why couldn't you tell me before. We could have worked things out.
HA worked things out? I tried to talk to you, but you wouldn't listen. You pushed me away- The man I loved with all of my heart seemed to not love me back and you know what? It hurt me. It still hurts me because I still love you.
I cupped her face in my hands and said: Listen to me I DID love you and I still do. For a very long time you were the most important person in my life. I always looked forward to coming home to you- My loving, beautiful wife.
Really well how come it didn't seem like that? Wow you must've really loved me since you left me for another woman.
No please you have to understand it's you I love the most. I was crazy and obsessed with her back then because she would take drugs with me and she seemed to be crazy like me-
Oh so you're calling me boring and not a good wife for not being your drug buddy? I didn't take drugs because I wanted to be there for our son. If we had both taken drugs who would have been responsible for Julian? I was putting our little boy first.
No I'm not saying that you are boring and now I understand why you didn't. I thank you for taking good care of Julian. Thanks to your upbringing, he's a lovely kid. I got with Yoko because she was controlling me and you and I both know I'm a vulnerable person, she used that to manipulate me into getting what she wanted. I have always loved you.
She pushed me away and said:
If you loved me then WHY DID YOU LEAVE? That woman has ruined my life. YOU are the man that I want most, I don't want any other man. I loved you with all of my heart. I put you first, I cared deeply for you, but what did you do? You left.. You threw my love back in my face. It's like you ripped my heart out of my chest. The day after I was told that you wanted to divorce me I saw you in the papers, hand in hand with Yoko and the headline was 'John's new love'. Do you know how painful that was? It was bad enough to be tossed aside you your husband, but to be tossed aside so publicly humiliated me. It hurt so much. She took my true love away from me.
Tears was rolling down my face. I never knew how much she was hurting..
Cyn, I'm so sorry. You deserve much better because you're kind, loving, caring, comforting and more than half the person I am. You're amazing and I don't blame you if you don't want me anymore. I should have treated you better.
I'm sorry, John, but is Sorry going to make things better again? Is it going to take all of my heart ache away? Is it going to bring back all of the days you missed Julian growing up? Birthdays and Christmases too. Is it?
I fell to my knees and literally begged her to take me back: Please, Cyn I need you. You are the one. You're my true love, I can't be with Yoko, please just take me back. I hate it here. I want to be back in England with you and be a better dad because I know I fucked up with Julian. I want you back, Cyn.
She said softly: You know that I love you, but this isn't going to be easy. Yoko isn't going to be easy and don't forget I'm married.. the two of us can't just be together because there's consequences.
I know that, Cyn, but trust me I've changed. I'm more mature and less angrier. I hardly drink and I don't take drugs anymore. I want us to be together more than anything.
Her angered facial expression softened and she said: This is going to be very hard, but let's do it. I want you more than anything. I've never loved another man like I do you.
A smile spread accross my face and I cupped her lovely face and kissed her tenderly, but passionately, we made love afterwards. It feels wonderful just being with her again. As we were making love we were interupted by a voice: WHAT IS GOING ON? GET AWAY FROM THAT SLUT. It was Yoko. She had come back early from her trip.