Forever Us

Chapter 21

Winter/Gwen POV
It was the next day and I was alone in Kellin's room. He was in the kitchen. I was having a bad day and wanted to be alone. Kellin understood. He checked up on me every 20 minutes or so. I laid on the floor staring at the ceiling. I had realized when I focused on something other than my current state I'd be alright.
The ceiling wasn't the kind that looked like fireworks. It was the kind that was like dots and lines. It wasn't like any other ceiling tho. I was black. I liked the way it looked since the ceiling was black. It almost looked like the sky with black stars.
'Without the night there'd be no stars', I thought to myself. I didn't really feel anything today. I just felt empty. It was an indescribable feeling. So I just focused on the black ceiling. Which only made me think of things I didn't want to think of. Like my mom when we used to sit outside and watch the stars. My dad would come out there dancing oddly. My mom and I would laugh. I was happy then. I stopped doing that when I was 13. My mom would get upset. If I could go back and change that I would. I miss her so much. My mind is a mess. I'm thinking about Kellin and my parents and that man and Summer. If my mom was here she'd give me advice. She'd tell me her first crush story that I'd heard a thousand times. Her first crush's name was Derek Silverman. She was in 8th grade. He had blond hair and blue eyes. He was never a popular kid. He was weird and smart and super cute. One day in 9th grade he came and ask her if she would like to hang out sometime and she of course said yes. That's were she always stopped the story though. I would always ask why she told me that story and how it ended. Then she would tell me just because that crush story didn't have a happy ending. It didn't mean mine wouldn't. Then I would tell her that wasn't even my problem and she would laugh and ask me about my problem. Our talks always ended with her saying 'I'm not sure I helped but never forget that I'm here for you and things will get better.'Once I got out of my trace I realized I was crying. Not just one hot tear, but uncontrollable tears. I tried to focus on the ceiling again but all I could see was my mom. I cried and I cried. I missed her so much. I just wish I could go back and change my last words to her. I hate myself so much. I stood up and I knew what I was going to do I was going to have a mental break down. I thought about it and I guess it was about time for another one. I tried to stop myself by standing up that's why I did it. I looked at myself in the mirror and I screamed " I hate you". I hope know one heard that because I really was going to explode if someone came in and tried to talk to me. Normally I would throw things in my room but I wasn't in my room. I looked myself up and down again
"I hate you", I screamed once more. I shouldn't be staring in the mirror but I was. I pick up the full body mirror and throw it. I looked at it and it was broken. I then looked at myself in the broken mirror and I smiled at what I had done. This was a side of me I promise not to let anyone see. I looked at myself and smiling like a doll seeing the glass had cut me in the leg. I looked and laughed. I knew what was coming next. I felt it. I would start downgrading myself. "You know you're pathetic. Your so pathetic it's funny. You know you deserve everything that's going on right? You know that Kellin doesn't even like you he just feels bad for you. You know Summer really doesn't love you ethier. The reason she's your friend is because she feels bad. Everyone hates you. More than you hate you. No one would have missed you if that man would have just killed you", I screamed. Suddenly Kellin brust in the door with nothing but worry in his face. "Get out. Please no one can see this side of me. Please", I cried.
"I'm not leaving", Kellin says walking toward me.
"Please go. It's not worth it", I say.
"You're worth it.", Kellin say softly. He was about 3 steps away reaching for me. I stepped back.
"Don't touch me. Please.", I cried.
"Come here. I can't just leave knowing your like this.", Kellin says stepping toward me and wrapping his arms around me. I fall to the ground and he sits across from me. I cry into his shoulder. "How do you always know when I'm having a breakdown?", I asked looking at me.
"I can just feel it", He says looking at me in the eyes. I look back into his eyes. I looked back down seeing my leg feeling the guilt build up. "Hey", Kellin say lifting my head up with his hand under my chin, "Look at me. This This right there. It's fine. My mirror is the last thing I'm thinking about. Those hurtful words you were saying to yourself is what worries me. Don't believe them. I know you're only 15 and I'm only 17, but I think I love you. Not just because I feel bad for you. I really love you. Okay? Trust me if you weren't in this world there'd be a lot of people hurt. Okay?", he said and for a split second I thought he was going to be my first kiss.
"You think really think so?", I say.
"Yeah. I do.", he says, "Now let's get your leg cleaned up and then we can talk more about this."
I get up and thank God no one was home so they didn't have to see me like this. We walk into the bathroom and I sit on the toilet while Kellin gets some stuff out. Butterfly stitches, proxicide, bandages, tweasers, and A+D cream. He kneels down and starts working on my leg. I smile at how focused he is on my leg.
"You know?", I say causing him to look up, "I've never hurt myself this bad."
"Well, I'm glad I was here to help", He says smiling his smile fading when he realizes something.
"What?"
"I'm just gonna miss you when you leave. Who's gonna be there when you have another break down?"
"Summer or Ashton", I reassuring him trying to reassure myself. He was done with my leg and I was feeling really tried. I knew I was leaving tomorrow night. I yawned.
"You tired?", Kellin asked.
"Yeah.", I say.
"Well we can clean up the glass and then lay down while we watch Mean Girls",Kellin says I think he likes that movie more than I do.
"Yeah", I say getting up. Cleaning up didn't take long since most of the glass stayed in the mirror. After cleaning up I stole a shirt from Kellin since I was to lazy to grab one of mine. I walked into the restroom in throw the shirt on which said "Maybe It's not my weekend but it's my year". I had no shorts on due to my leg but I was okay with that. When I get in the room I laid on the bed while Kellin put the movie in. After he was done he laid down next to me and I drifted away happy that I had someone like Kellin in my life.