Scarred {completed}

Chapter 26

I got up in the middle of the night. The clock read 3:27 AM. Louis was soundly asleep. I got up and snuck over to the dresser in my old room where I kept them. I grabbed it and quietly went to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and looked at myself in the mirror. I put what I was holding onto the counter next to the sink. I went through the drawers looking for some eyeliner and mascara, I found it. I heavily put on the eyeliner all around my eyes and put on multiple coats of mascara. I took the plastic container off of the counter and unlocked the door. I heard Louis rustle in bed. I slowly started to cry, my makeup dripping down my face. Just what I wanted to happen. I quietly walked out to the kitchen, across from the living room where Harry ended up sleeping. I opened the fridge and got the bottle of vodka out. I got a plastic cup from the cupboard and put it on the counter next to the vodka. I took the plastic bottle and twisted it open. I took out 2 pills. Then I poured the liquor into the cup. I opened the capsules over the drink and stirred it afterwards. I sat on the stool. "God please," I was quiet and in between sobs, "please, please forgive me. Give me strength, oh dear Lord." I cried silently watching the puddles of mascara and eyeliner form. I picked up the plastic cup an took a huge gulp. I downed the whole thing in 5 seconds. I put my head down on the counter. "Dear God! Help me!!" this time I was screaming bloody murder. "Marrissa?!" I heard Louis telling and running down the hall. I also heard Harry breathing heavily. "Marrissa?!" Louis came up behind me, I could feel his breathing. "Marrissa, answer me!" He was shaking me. My head was still down on the counter, my tears still falling. My hands and legs were shaking, my stomach was turning along with my head. Next thing I knew Louis took my head and held it up. I felt so weak like I couldn't open my eyes. "What the hell did you do?!" Louis yelled, I could hear the unsteadiness and weakness of it. My heart beat got faster. I heard somebody moving around. "Marrissa, open your eyes for God's sake! Look at me!" Louis yelled, I could tell he was crying. "Mate, she's got pills...and vodka. Marrissa what have you been doing!?" I heard Harry's voice. "Marrissa! How many did you take?!" Louis voice was sharp and was penetrating my ears. "Tttwwoo" I could barely speak. "How much vodka?!" I pointed towards the empty plastic cup. "The whole thing?!?" I fell limp into Louis arms. "Harry get some water and make her drink it. Do you want to die Marrissa?!" My vision started clearing and my hearing wasnt as fuzzy. I tried to lift myself up but I couldn't. I slowly started to move my mouth but Harry forced water down my throat. "I just want to be skinny....I always do this...." I was very slow with my words. Louis and Harry were just staring at me. Amber and Julia came from the hall in tears. "Please just go back to bed, everything's fine" Harry said to them. "No! She's my friend." Julia an Amber said. "Guys...I'm ok...go to...bed" I said to them and they were gone. "If you do this all the time then how come this time you nearly went into a coma or something?" Louis asked, his voice still painfully sharp. I started crying more. "I usually take one pill...this time I took two. And I drink water...never....alcohol."

I felt my hair covering my forehead shift. "What the f**k is that Marrissa?! Why do you do that to yourself!?!" Louis covered me in his arms, Harry too. I put my hand over the mark. "That's from a while ago....after my mom died....I wanted to be with her....so I cut myself, on my forehead I don't know why....you'd never know it because I cover it with makeup." I felt it happening, my stomach was turning. I started gagging, turned towards the garbage can, and vomited. "My God Marrissa, why?" Harry put his head in his hands and sat on the stool next to me. "I told you...I want to be skinny...I want to be beautiful." "You are beautiful babe, you're stunning. You're skinny and you're perfect. Stop hurting yourself." Louis said and he kissed my forehead. I said nothing and closed my eyes. "Guys...I might pass out, but it's normal....I'll be, I'll be fine."