Scarred {completed}

Chapter 20

It's been a week now since Sam passed, it seems so empty and alone. Julia and Amber left 2 days afterwards. I'm flying back to New York tomorrow to go to her funeral and Louis and Harry are coming with me, I begged them not to. After all they were gonna be the "big stars" and Sam's funeral would be all over the news if celebrities just popped up. I don't want to cause a fuss and then everything would center around them, after all it's about Sam. Then everyone would blame me for it. But no, they just have to come for support... "Marrissa?" Louis snaps in front of my face, waking me up from my day dream. "Why are you crying?" He rubbed his thumb on my cheek. "I was crying? I didn't even notice" I answered in a down tone. Sam didn't have to die, it was all my fault. If only I didn't- "Marrissa! What's the matter?" Louis said waking me up again. "You don't have to come tomorrow, you and Harry" "But we want to babe, for support" "I don't need support right now, ok? Please don't come with me, please." "Marrissa, you need to relax. Why don't you want us, me, to come?" I can just see it all happening. Me, Amber, Julia, Mr and Mrs Derrils, Donny and all of Sam's family. All huddled together, Louis and Harry the stars. My eyes trickling tears while Louis is trying to make me feel better but just making it worse, attracting more attention to me. Then Amber fading to the back of the room to cry hysterically and curse at herself, punishing herself for something she didn't do. Harry following her, sitting next to her, hugging her, telling her words that she only dreamed of a guy ever saying to her. Then Julia, slowly crying trying to keep her barrier up. Not letting anyone in, sitting by herself thinking of how much she misses Sam. Trying to think of all good and happy thoughts and memories with her, but also thinking of how her family feels. I can just see her there, frustrated as to what to think. Confused of what is all going on, her friend gone yet having her idols in the same room as her. Everything leads back to those damn boys! "Damn it!!" I shouted from the top of my lungs, crying at the same time. Louis jumped back from my sudden outburst, got up from the sofa, and went into the kitchen without a word. "Damn it Lou!!! Why don't you understand?!?! You always say that you understand but I don't think you really do!" There was a long silent pause. "But it's not your fault..." I was choked up, "you don't see through my eyes, you don't know what I go through. I'm just a stupid girl that finally met her dream guy and expected him to know everything and understand her perfectly. And I'm sorry for you Lou that I'm that stupid girl that you fell in love with. I'm so sorry, I'm just...I thought I was lucky to have my celebrity love fall in love with me. But I'm not lucky at all, I guess everything has its flaws, huh. I'm sorry...I'm so confused and angry and depressed. I can't take it!" Another long pause, "and you probably didn't hear a word I just said..." Then Louis came back into the living room with my favorite, cotton candy ice cream. I smiled when he did, I couldn't resist. "I heard every word" he said sitting down next to me. I went to speak but he cut me off. "Don't be sorry for anything, I love you so much you have no idea. Lets face it, everybody's stupid and everybody feels misunderstood. And I'll except it, some times I don't know what the hell you're talking about or how the heck you feel. But I hope you get that I try, I try to be the best for you and I try to understand. I'm sure as hell not a girl either so I don't know how you get through life with all this stress and God, I just wonder..." I was filling my mouth spoonful by spoonful. He started eating ice cream too. We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, and it was nice. It wasn't that kind of awkward silence it was the peaceful and calming silence. "You have no idea" I finally say. "I love you" "I love you too" He smeared the ice cream on my lips and kissed me until it all came off. We finished eating and Louis took me up to his bedroom. We laid down side by side, wrapped in each others arms.

~Louis POV~

Marrissa's asleep next to me and she finally looks at peace. She doesn't seem stressed for once. But I can't do anything but be worried about her. What if she goes to the extreme and hurts herself? What if she runs away again? I cannot let that happen again. Suddenly the door flung open, Marrissa's body inched closer to me and her grip got tighter around my waist. I knew it was Harry standing in the doorway, I could see the silhouette of his curls against the darkness of the room and the light from down the hallway. "Harry!" I whispered ferociously. Harry walked over to the bed. "What do you want Hazz?" He sat next to me on the bed. "Do you think it's right if we go tomorrow? You know, with Marrissa to Sam's funeral?" She twitched and moved to laying on my chest, her hand wrapping around my arm. "Um, I don't know. She was giving me mixed messages. It's very confusing" He got up and paced around the room a couple times. "I want to go to help her, but I also want to see Amber. Amber is wow" "So this isn't really about deciding to go for Marrissa? It's about Amber, her friend? Just her, so you can make another move?" ".....kinda..." "Harry, you already slept with the girl!" Marrissa shifted again, rolling to the other side of the bed. I got up and walked downstairs frustrated. Harry followed me. "Louis it can't just always be about Marrissa-" "It's not about Marrissa! It's about her friend Sam, it's her funeral. It's about supporting everyone" I went to the kitchen to make some tea. "Of course. I wasn't just going to pop up and make out with Amber!" "Well that's what it sure as hell looks like! Marrissa doesn't even really want us to come." "Why not?" "She thinks if we go we are going to be the celebrities and all eyes will be on us. Not on respecting and remembering Sam." "Oh, sometimes I hate being famous! But I still think we should go" I took a sip of my Yorkshire Tea. "We are going, but not as celebrities. As friends. That's it, whether she likes it or not" "But what if she refuses to let us come?" I dumped the remainder of my tea down the sink. "We'll figure it out then. I'm tired, I'm going back to bed. Night." "Night, I'm going to down here for a while" "Ok" I ran up the stairs quietly and snuck back into bed, Marrissa was all sprawled out on the bed. After 10 minutes of just laying there thinking she started to grunt and gasp. She was shaking too, I comforted her trying to get her to stop.

Marrissa's POV:

Mmh....no. No, no, no! Don't do this to me! Why me again? Jo Jo no, I'm with Louis now! You can't take advantage of me! This isn't right, in Louis girlfriend now. Let me go! Stop chocking me! Stop touching me! Let go! Let go! Ahhhhh!!!!! Jo Jo!! Louis help me!!!!!! Louis why won't you help me?!?!?! Get away!!!!!! Get off of me Jo Jo!!!! I'm not yours, this is not your body to be messing with!!!! Stop it!!! Ahhh!!! Louis Louis Louis Louis!!!! Somebody help me!!!!! "Marrissa!!! Wake up!" I heard Louis yell in my ear. "Louis!! Stop him! Get him off of me!!!" I was shaking and my pillow was all wet from tears. "What? What are you taking about? Nobody's on you. Shhh....it was just a nightmare" I looked into Louis' scared eyes and hugged him. "Please, promise you'll protect me and never let another guy touch me" I said pressed against his shoulder gasping for air. "I promise, you're my girl now. Do you want to talk ab-" "No!! Please God, no" He started to rub my back in circles, calming me down. "Shhh, it's ok. Go back to sleep. I'm right here to protect....." I was dozing off exhausted. Wondering about tomorrow, how everything would turn out.