Ask/Dare Allen, Matt, Alfred, or Matthew!

Funny Drunks

[I'll let you decide~ here's some examples!]

Alfred-

Alfred stared at the burger for a long moment before shouting to the bartender, "HEY! I ordered a hotdog! Why did ya give m'this b'rger?...."
The bartender gave him a questioning look, Alfred was holding a crushed up piece of paper that had fallen in someone's drink. "Sir, I think you've had enough for tonight."
"NO!" Alfred shouted back, " I ain't leav'n till I get m'tomato!"
The bartender shakes his head and passes by him.
Alfred squints at the paper, "alright.... I'm gonna get m'sock s'mewh'r else then..." He then proceeded to stumble out of the building, marker all over his face, and singing terribly off tune the song Yankee Doodle.

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Matthew-

Matthew laid on the floor staring up at the living room ceiling, Kuma sitting next to him. Kuma tilted his head and asked, "who?"
He replied, "o-oh maple..... I don't even know anymore!"
"What?" Kuma questioned, this didn't usually happen.
"Look Kumajiji! All the pretty colors! So.... So pretty.... Like a hockey rink...."
Kuma blinked at him, "you need time alone," he said before standing up and walking away.
Matthew then reached out an arm and cried after him, "no! Wait! Kumahima! I need to tell you something!.... Something important....."
Kuma sighed and walked back into the room, "yes?"
".......I'm taking over the world..."
Kuma facepawed and walked back out of he room, ignoring the cries of his (sort of) name and proceeding until he came to a bed and promptly laid down on it.
Meanwhile Matthew was contemplating the meaning of Maple and all the life that comes from it....

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Allen-

Allen ran down the street, laughing his head off, and dodging the cops on his trail. He ran out in traffic and across vehicles. The cops followed after him yelling all the while. He stopped at an alleyway and ran down it till he came across a dead end, a high wooden fence sitting just behind a large dumpster. Giggling he ran back to the mouth of the alley and yelled out, "yo coppers! M'ovah 'ere!!"
The cops tracked him down and were just  about to catch him when he sprinted back down the alley. He jumped, kicking off the dumpster, and vaulted over the fence landing on his hands and knees on the other side. He laughed hysterically and ran till he reached the middle of Central Park, where he stayed until he passed out and woke up the next day wondering just where he was, what happened, and where his shirt and pants were.... 

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Matt-

Matt walked around his cabin while loudly singing, "Let it go! LET IT GOOOO! TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!" He fell to his knees crying. "I DON'T CARE! THAT YOU BROKE UP WITH MEEE! I REALLY DON'T CARE! It's not like I needed you anyway...." He stood and looked at the toaster. " Why!? How could you brake up with me?! Was it me?! Please give me another chance!!!!!" He stood for a moment. " Y-you what?! You ch-cheated on    m-me?! With the microwave!! H-how could you?!" He picked up the toaster and threw it to the ground, smashing it. After a moment he gasped "What have I done? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" He then proceeded to pass out in the middle of the floor.