I See Emeralds

Chapter Twenty-Seven (Matthew's POV)

(WARNING! Here it is. The chapter I've been dreading publishing. Don't hate me! I was actually considering not publishing this chapter, but I decided to do it anyways. This may seem sudden in this book, but there will likely be more of a leadup to it in the companion book that I'm currently working on. I'm absolutely fine, but this was a random story idea that came to me early one morning. I decided to incorporate it into this story. I'm super sorry if this chapter upsets anyone. If you're going through something like Matthew is, just know that everything will be better eventually. Take a deep breath and try to relax. You're perfect just the way you are. Don't let the haters get you down. You're strong! Keep trying your best and being yourself and you'll be okay! <3)

I can't believe I'm going to go through with this, but at the same time, I can. I rub my eyes. I don't want my parents or Alfred to suspect anything when I go downstairs. If they're even home. Isn't Arthur supposed to come over later? I need to hurry up and die before he arrives.

Just the implications of that word makes me want to sob. Why am I having thoughts like this? I know: because people are jerks. Today is the day. I realized that as soon as I woke up. As soon as I checked and saw more hateful messages. They're never-ending. Then I got bullied horribly at school, as always.

I'm not even sure how so many people found out who I am and decided to bash me. I guess the fact that my brother is pretty much the most popular guy in school helps them. People tend to know my name because of him.

But why do they hate me? That's the thing I'm not sure of. I don't even know half these people. But their words and actions hurt me more than anything else. Combined with my neglectful family, I've had a horrible time recently. Pretty much all of my friends are forced to associate with me because we're related and even so, they hardly say a word to me anymore.

I root through the kitchen cabinet. Come on, I know it's somewhere in here! I grope around until my hand touches a bottle. A new jar of Mom's pills. I'm not sure if these will do the job, but they should be enough to satisfy my urges. I just hope they're strong enough.

I head back to my room and sit in my chair. Do I dare...? I gulp and slowly open the dreaded website. A "new private message" symbol is on the inbox icon. I close my eyes and double click to see...a perfectly normal message?

(G: Gilbert, M: Matthew)

G: Hey Matthew, are you okay?
M: Um hi Gilbert long time no see
M: And not exactly
G: I noticed all those terrible people on your page from the past few months :(
M: O
G: Matthew, your last post was worrying me.
M: Y
G: All you said was "bye"
G: You aren't planning on taking drastic measures, are you?
G: You've been so depressed, please let me talk to you. Just this once.
M: Kinda
M: I've got a bottle of pills I'm staring at
G: Mattie NO.
G: If you even dare try overdosing I might as well just head over there and off you myself.
M: That's not comforting
M: I know what I'm doing I made my decision
G: MATTIE! Jeez, don't talk like that!!
G: This isn't like you!
M: Who even am I
G: The greatest person I know.
M: Don't you agree with what they say
M: It's all true
G: Of course I don't.
G: You aren't any of the terrible things they've called you. You don't deserve to be pushed around either.
M: You just don't want me to die because of my flipping eyes
M: Big whoop they're purple and yours are red
G: That has nothing to do with this.
G: I would be crushed if you were gone and so would many other people.
M: Who
G: Alfred, Arthur, and Francis, to name just a few.
G: Your parents.
G: Arty's parents.
G: Again, me.
G: You were my best friend when we were little. We cared so much about each other.
M: My parents couldn't care less
M: And Al and Arty and Francis all have each other I'm not needed
G: I'm sure that's not true.
G: Those people bullying you are just a bunch of self-conscious jerks who have nothing better to do than mess with random people.
G: They only want a reaction.
M: So
G: So I'm saying that if you die, they win. If the other stuff I'm saying isn't convincing you, that should.
M: ...
M: I guess
G: Ludwig just got home, he's with Feli. Would you like to talk to either of them?
M: I'd prefer it if they didn't know about this
G: Okay.
G: Is anyone else home with you?
M: No
G: Do you mind if I come over?
M: Idc
G: Alright.
G: Wait until I get there. Try to calm down or something.
M: K
M: No promises

I log out and sigh. Why did I say yes? I should have downed this bottle before he could come and stop me. I still have time. But...I should wait. I don't want Gilbert to find me like that. It would upset him needlessly. He's not responsible for this at all. Whatever happens to me is my parents' problem.

A few minutes later there's a rapid knock on the front door. I force myself to get out of my room and answer. I nearly fall over when Gilbert launches himself at me in a hug. I'm too startled to react at first, but a moment later I decide to return it. My hand brushes against his face by accident and I notice it's wet. "Are you crying?" I ask. I'm surprised how weak my voice is.

"Don't die Mattie..." he whimpers. I manage to awkwardly shut the door without breaking the hug.

"Don't cry over me. I'm not worth your tears, Gil." He shakes his head.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. Let me see those pills you mentioned," he orders and eases out of our embrace. He dries the tears from his eyes.

"Why?"

"I want to make sure you haven't taken any. Was it a new bottle?"

"Yeah. My mom's, but she hasn't used it yet."

"Show me," he demands. I realize it will be easier to go along with what he's saying now and do what I want later. So I bring him to my room.

He immediately snatches the bottle of prescription drugs and examines it closely. "Well at least you didn't..." he trails off and covers his mouth. "Sorry. I keep crying."

I surprise both Gilbert and myself by smiling. And then I start to cry too. "No...you care about me."

(Ah, jeez, this is a really different chapter than all the others. Don't worry! It goes back to normal soon! Sorry again for any unwanted sadness/feels.)