My Soldier

Chapter18

Time. I despised it right now it was my worst enemy. I can't consume the fact that he'd be leaving tomorrow. The week went by so fast it was all a beautiful blur. I keep trying to convince myself that I'll be ok but why lie? There's no reason to. It already hurts the thought of him not being here I feel like he's being taken away from me and I have no choice. I would've never believed that I'd be this in love with a person to the point where them leaving me would be worst then death itself. I sat there laying on his chest never wanting to leaving the position ever. It had been raining all day making my mood even more depressing I couldn't stop drowning myself in my thoughts.

I was basically going to loose my only source of happiness in life. It was killing me knowing I wasn't going to have my friend, therapist, and lover all in one with me anymore. No matter what I did I couldn't stop him from leaving. I know he wanted to stay but he has to go to better himself hopefully he misses me as much as I miss him. I could tell he knew I was sad by the way he held onto me I didn't want it to be this way us both sitting in our sarrows listening to the rain hit the window all day. I was trying to keep myself from crying but to my deceit they just didnt cooperate I felt the warm, salty tears stream down my face. God why am I so emotional? I felt his arms tighten around me which made more tears escape from my eyes. I just wanted him to stay so badly it hurt.

Deshaun's POV

I felt so bad for doin my baby like this I hated seein him cry. It hurt me to the core but I just want us to be stable. I hate that I have to do this to him I have no ther choice. I'm gonna miss everything about this boy from his light brown eyes to his plump pink lips even the way his cheeks turn red when I complimented him. He's such a blessing I honestly can say I don't know where I'd be without him probably still on the streets selling. He changed me for the better if it wasn't for him I would be in a ditch somewhere. I still can't believe that I fell in love and with another guy at that I just never imagined it this way. I've never felt  like this about any one in my life not even my parents. I just wanna give him everything he needs I never wanna see him struggling.
I wish I could be here for him all the time it's killin me just to think about gettin on that plane tomorrow. I can barely be away from him for a day I'll probably go crazy being away from him for two years. I wanted to take his pain away so bad to make happy again like the week before. I knew what would at least help cherr him up. I carefully picked him up it basically felt like he weighed nothing. I sat him on the couch while I went into the refrigerator and grabbed our favorite ice cream and two spoons. I slid onto the couch giving him a spoon I watched as he ate the ice cream. He didn't look the same not just because his eyes were puffy but because he didn't look like he was there. He didn't have the same sparkle in his eyes he just sat there staring at nothing.

I didn't know what else to do I felt so bad that I was putting him through this. He's already been through a lot in his life I'm just making it even harder for him. The guilt was eating me away inside the fact that im leaving the only person who I truly love alone. Cam's the strongest person I know but I still wanted to be there for him. He neede me just like I neede him it's like he was a dream I never wanted to wake up from.
I was pulled out of my thoughts by his voice.

"Deshaun."he said my name barely above a whisper I remember him being this quiet when we first met.

"Yeah baby."

"Can I ask you something?"I nodded my head yes in response.

"Will you still love me?"he asked that question broke my heart to see how much of a affect this has on him is depressing.

"Baby look I'll never stop loving you know matter how far away we are from each other." I said truthfully

"Please don't go." Fuck hearing him say that hurt. I moved closer to him on the couch and pulled him on my lap. I felt his tears soak my shirt. I really didn't wanna go to be honest I just want my baby to be secure. I understood why he was so against me leaving everyone he's ever loved in life has left him I'm just adding to the list.

"It'll be ok" I reapeated rubbing circles on his back. I can't help but to feel bad right now. I just want Cam to know even if I'm not here I'm still here for him.

"Cam look at me." He slowly raised head.

"I love you so much from from the bottom of my heart and I don't want you to ever forget that." I say sincerely.

"I love you too." He whispered laying his head on me.

God I'm going to miss this.
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I almost cryed writing this.

Sadly the end is near but don't worry I have something in store. ;)

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