Frozen by Fear [DEADLY SECRETS#1]

Kabanata 15

KABANATA 15:

Waverly Rose's POV

After had I used a pressure point move to knock out Ace, I opened the door to the suite nung nakita ko si Drew. Tiningnan niya lang si Ace na nakahiga sa sahig.

"Do you want me to kill him for you?" He asked.

"Never!" Sigaw ko sa kanya. Tinulak ko na lang papuntang hallway and took one last look at Ace before following him to the elevator.

Now it's early the next morning and we've been driving all night. Kailangan naming makalayo as soon as possible. Once we are far enough north, aalis kami ng bansa at hindi na babalik dito. For a long while. Long enough to make sure that our real identities haven't been discovered and the coast is clear to return. Iniwan na lang namin yung Lamborghinis sa parking lot ng hotel for the luxury carrental service to pick up.

We took the city bus from the hotel and picked up a nondescript family sedan at a car rental place out in the suburbs. Gumamit kami ng fake ids, of course. I've been leaning my head against the passenger door window all night. Pinilit ako ni Drew na matulog na lang muna, but I can't. I feel physically sick. I can't stop crying. Jackson isn't used to dealing with a crying sister, dahil minsan lang ako umiyak. We were trained to control our emotions. I feel quite out of control at themoment. He's trying his best to comfort me.

"Do you want me to stop the car in some small town so we can rumble with the locals?" When I don't answer, he says.

"I'll take that as a 'no'." Mahinang sabi niya.

Si Ace lang yung witness sa krimen. Hindi ako sigurado kung ano ang sasabihin niya sa mga pulis.

We each use a new set of false identification to book a flight from Manila to London. The flight is going to be seven and a half hours long, so unfortunately, I'll have nothing to do but think some more about Ace. Either that or make small talk with whatever normal passenger that is seated next to me.

I can't relate to normal. Jeez, my entire life, I've never felt sorry for myself. Not about my unusual childhood. But right now, I pity myself for the things I've never had and the things that I'll never have. Love. A real family. Ace.

Thankfully, the flight is almost full at hindi ako uupo sa tabi ni Drew. I don't think I could take anymore of him trying to cheer me up. It's useless. Nothing will ever make me happy again.

It's not that I regret killing John Evans. What I regret is losing Ace, my first and only love. The things he said to me . . . Maybe I deserved his harsh words, maybe I didn't. It doesn't matter either way to me. What matters is the way he feels. He hates me. He doesn't love me anymore. Dinurog ko yung puso niya noong pinatay ko ang kanyang ama. Losing his love hurts. It hurts worse than any bullet ever could.

Hindi ko alam kung anong kahibangan yung iniisip ko when I thought I could have love. I wasn't molded for love and love just isn't an option for me. David was right. Love is a weakness that those in our professions cannot afford.

But for a moment, it was so sweet while I had it. I will always cherish what we so briefly had. I will always love Ace. Always. The little time we had together will just have to be enough to last me forever.

It's funny that loving Ace will be both my greatest joy and greatestmistake in life. I can't regret it, though. I now know how beautiful love can be. I'll carry my memories of Ace with me forever. It's too bad that his memories will be so bitter.

I break down on the plane and have to go to the bathroom for privacy. As I grip the tiny bathroom sink, I try to push back the despair. I feel so nauseous at the thought of never seeing Ace again. I feel dizzy and brace one hand against the wall as I lean over the toilet and empty the meager contents of mystomach. This is one instance where throwing up doesn't make me feel better. This isn't a sickness of the body, but a sickness of the heart and soul. Maybe I'm addicted to Ace's love and, without it, I'm like an addict without her fix.

Since it's happened, I've thought over and over again about what I should have done differently. There are so many things. Not finishing the job was not an option. Doing a better job at covering my actions was definitely an option. An option that I no longer have the option of taking.

It's over. I messed up and it's all over. I should have used something to put him to sleep, then he wouldn't have walked into the study in the middle of my kill.When it really comes down to it, though, could I have really given up being an assassin to be with Ace? Yes, I suppose I could have and possibly been happier than I'd ever imagined. I'll never know now. Besides, this is who I am.This is who David made me. This is what was meant to be.

I leave the claustrophobic airplane bathroom and return to my seat. I pass by Drew on my way back. He gives me a weird look, I ignore him.

As I sit down in my seat, I pull the tape recorder out of my carry on bag. I had wanted proof, maybe only for myself, that I wasn't a monster for killing my boyfriend's dad. I killed the monster. I did the world a favor. I did the right thing. I'll just have to live with the consequences. They'll have to be worth it.

When Ace confronted me at the hotel afterwards, I thought about bringing out the tape and telling him, 'See! He was a bad man!', but I saw in Ace's eyes that it would just hurt him more. He doesn't want to believe that his father was evil and he doesn't want to know the truth.

Not only had his girlfriend killed his father, but to find out on top of it all, that his father was a murdering drug lord? I'm afraid that may just break him.

I love him too much to do that to him. Like he said, his hate for me has killed all of the love he had for me. So, he'll get over me. He'll eventually come to terms with his father's death.

Never letting him know that the man who raised him, the father he loves, is a cold-blooded murderer, is my gift to him. He doesn't need to know that two of the people that he loved most in this world are both killers. Just me.

He'll go on with his normal life and I'll go back to doing what I do best. Killing. This is really for the best. Besides, even if I did play the tape for him, he would never look at me the same way.

He would never love me again. Not after seeing me shoot his father. Not after finding out that I used him from the beginning to get to his father.

I hate myself for hurting him. I know that I've hurt him badly. I deserve for him to hate me. I wish I could have his forgiveness and understanding.

I think I'd sell my soul to have his love again. Does he even understand how much I love him? I think that if I tried to convince him, he'd just laugh in my face. He'd probably want to slap my face. Well, no one can stop me from loving him. Not even Ace himself. I love you, Ace. I love you. I love you. I love you. My angel, always.