RANDOM!!!!!!!

laugh a little

~~~Sorry if anything is repeated from the other 'chapters' I'm to lazy to go back and check

~~~Why don't we just try to make the best of today and tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day...?

~~~

[ ] Single

[ ] Taken

[x] I get as much attention as a white crayon

~~~ MATH"S Y U NO DIE?!?!?! Just in case you haven't  noticed I absolutely hate math! I mean it was ok till it decided to marry the alphabet, but now, now its just...poop!

~~~Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

~~~You know its gonna be a good story when it starts with "So this bitch,"

~~~Don't hate me for the incredible freak I am! Love me for the wonderful person nobody will admit I am!

~~~Dean: " You fudging touch me again, I fudging kill you!"

~~~Me.....Jog??? pffffft... If you see me running, you better run too cause there's something chasing me.

~~~Silence may be golden but I tend to think over to the duck tape which just so happens to be silver.

~~~In an argument there are three sides:

~1~Your side

~2~My side

~3~The right side

~~~When I'm HAVE to BE crazy TO be MY friend..........BUT IT SURE HELPS!!!!

~~~someone sent me an email about using VODKA for cleaning around the house...IT SURE WORKS, the more vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked!

~~~Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist,

While you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it!

Sincerely, The Opportunist

~~~I laughed so hard the tears ran down my legs!

~~~Wine a little laugh a lot

~~~Old people at weddings always poke me and say "your next" so I started doing the same thing at funerals.

~~~warning: This property is protected by a husband with a gun and a wife with P.M.S. Guess which one's home

~~~success is like pregnancy. Everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you got Fucked to achieve it.

~~~You know that tingly feeling you get when you see someone you like? Yeah, that's common sense leaving your body.

~~~Top ten reasons I procrastinate:

~1~

~~~I hate when nerds cover up their answers like come on bro lets work together.

~~~Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine.

~~~How to tell someone that their breath stinks without hurting their feelings, "Well I'm bored, lets go brush are teeth!"

~~~She's crazy! And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage.

~~~"I don't drink these days, I'm allergic to alcohol and narcotics, I break out in handcuffs"

~~~I like work, It fascinates me I can sit and stare at in for hours.

~~~If you tickle me I am not responsible for your injures.

~~~I heard your a player, nice to meet you I"M the coach

~~~Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.

~~~I meant to behave but there were so many other options.

~~~Don't judge me on the things I did a few seconds ago, I've changed since then.

~~~They say that during sex you burn as much calories as running for five miles. WHO RUNS FIVE MILES IN THIRTY SECONDS!

~~~My wallet is like a onion when I open It I cry.

~~~When you accidentally hurt you pet and your like "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry" and then they walk away so you run after them like "LET ME LOVE YOU"

~~~Stop waiting on prince charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot may be stuck in a tree or something.

~~~If a guy only want's your breast, legs, and thighs send him to KFC.

~~~English:Hello

Spanish: Hola

French: Bonjour

Best Friend: sup Bitch?

~~~"Roar" does not mean I love you if you've ever seen Jurassic park you know "Roar" means "I'm going to freaking eat you!!"

~~~If your husband is amazing call your doctor and tell him you've found the correct dose of your medication.

~~~The problem with political jokes is they get elected

~~~People spend time and money on planning a vacation and yet a dog goes on vacation every time he goes out the door.

~~~You know you get in trouble a lot when you and the cops are on first name base's.

~~~Ok so maybe duct tape can't fix stupid but at least it can muffle the sound.

~~~Dear lol,

Thank you for being there when I can't think of anything else to say.

Sincerely, the person sitting there texting with less expression than a brick.

~~~lol