Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter twenty-one

I skip my Intro to Philosophy class Tuesday morning because I don't see any reason to go. I can't bear the empty seats beside me. Instead, I stay in my room all day, deciding to drown out my thoughts by watching the entire first three seasons of The Walking Dead.

This is life, I scribble onto one of the half-filled pages of my journal. You're born, and at some point along the way you die. And it doesn't matter what happens after that, because you are the "walking dead." Existence is all that can ever be hoped for at this point.

But it isn't enough just to exist. It isn't enough just to participate. Not for me. Not anymore. Not since Liz.

The frustration and the confusion and the anger swells inside my gut and I can't take it anymore. I can't take it, the not knowing. I don't deserve this. No one deserves this.

So I grab my phone off my desk and text Liz before I can stop myself.

Me: What's going on? Why are you ignoring me? What did I do?

No response. After five minutes I text her again.

Me: Hello? Liz?

No response.

I let out a cry and throw my phone across my room. It lands against the wall with a loud thud and clatters to the floor. Fortunately, it remains unbroken – unlike my reality.

I never thought the day would come when I wished my life could be like my phone. I wish that when life threw me at the wall, I could pull myself together and not break down.

But I'm not that strong. I've never been that strong.

Liz was the only person who gave me the strength I needed.

Now that's gone too.

What do I do?

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