Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter twenty-nine

My name is Elizabeth Richards and I never thought it would come to this.

Though, I don't know what I expected.

Sitting on the roof of the dorms now, one of Adam's cigarettes between my fingers, I stare up at the moon. Suddenly, I'm filled with this desire to fly and be away from this world and everything inside me.

Take me to wonderland, I think, the voice inside my head dry and monotone, my eyes flicking to the cigarette. It didn't take me long to get used to the toxic fumes – it's in their nature to be addicting – now I have a pack with me at all times.

I hold onto the cig as if it were an anchor, keeping me tethered to reality. One problem: I want to escape reality.

The days fade together like the smoke and the night, a blurry, indistinguishable mess that, in the end, leaves a bitter taste. It's Wednesday, I think – somewhere in the middle of February, but I'm not sure. Does it really matter, though?

With my free hand, I massage the sun tattoo on my forearm – it's still a little raw, but it's the memories that hurt the most.

Suddenly, I don't know what I'm doing – why I'm up here, why I'm not with Adam, why I walked away, why I'm hurting him. I hate myself, now, for my weakness – it's just...

It hurts.

My mind falls into madness as the memories overtake me – instantly, I'm adrift in the forgotten things.

* * *

"C'mon, girl," he snarls. "I'm just giving you what you want. I know you like the attention."

Screaming, my voice muffled by his palm on my lips, I can't see anything clearly anymore between the shadows of the man whose body pins me to the bed and the tears that flood my vision. I feel him on me – every part of me – invading me with unwelcome intentions.

I try to call out for help, but I know it's useless. My parents are gone on a date – it's just me and my uncle.

It's just me and the monster in the darkness.

Helplessness overwhelms me and I'm frozen, now, trapped.

Staring into the shadows above me, I shut my eyes and wait for it all to be over.

But hope is all just wishful thinking decked by good intentions.

Hope isn't real.

* * *

Back in the present, I let out a cry and throw the cigarette across the roof. I let myself fall into my hands and cry, my body spread across the dorm roof, shaking, trembling.

I still feel him sometimes.

I feel his hands in my hair, his lips on my skin, his arms wrapped tight around me, trapping me, anchoring me to his lust.

It's not Adam, I remind myself. Adam is different. I finally bring my breathing back under control. I am different.

But... I can't escape the feelings and I can't escape the memories and I can't escape the pain I feel deep inside my chest, where my heart was ripped from me and shoved back into its cage, a bleeding mess.

I am trapped.

So I light another cigarette and, hoping for the best – to forget – I whisper, Take me to wonderland.

*If you enjoyed this chapter, please VOTE or COMMENT.