Love and the Sea and Everything in Between

chapter thirty-two

It's hard, sometimes, to separate who you are from the things that have happened to you – especially when you don't even know who you are.

I thought I knew who I was. I was the girl from New Orleans with a tragic past that no one ever knew about. I was the girl who fell in love with the boy who hated normal.

Now, I'm just the girl who fell.

It takes days for me to work up the courage to call Planned Parenthood and by the time I finally do and I'm on with the operator, it takes me a second to even figure out what to say.

What am I doing?

"Hello?" the operator asks again.

"Hi, yes," I stammer, take a pause to compose myself, then just come out with it, "I'm pregnant and I can't be."

"Alright, I will get you on the line with one of our specialists. Please hold."

Now, I wait, alone in my room but for the sound of the music on the hold line.

* * *

Sunday, March 20th, 3:00PM.

That's when my appointment with the specialist is scheduled for. That's the exact time and date of when this nightmare will end, when this all can just go away and everything can go back to normal.

In the back of my mind, though, I hear the whispers. Adam should know. He's the father. It's his right.

Then, I can never tell him. He would never forgive me.

If I'm being honest, though, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

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