After what Juley told me, and once Winter break had started, I felt like Jordan was ignoring me.
No texts.
No calls.
No Facetimes.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch.
Jenna and I would text at almost any time we got, but beforehand, before Charlie left for Vietnam, she told me they hadn't installed WiFi there yet, so she would call me when they did.
No texts or missed calls from her, so guess they didn't have their WiFi yet.
But I had a bad feeling about Jordan. I never got to ask Juley what happened that day between her and Jordan. She was in such an emotional wreck, I didn't say anything. I ended up skipping all my classes after lunch that day. And not being able to see Jordan before the last day before Winter break.
I felt bad. Like, anxious. I didn't know what to believe anymore. Was Jordan going to die? Was he moving? Was he okay?
I kept spamming him with texts and phone calls, but he would never answer any of them. It was so infuriating!
I made a huge mistake of telling mom.
Mom chuckled quietly, and looked at me with sad eyes. "Mija, obviously, he's trying to break up with you."
I stared at mom, shocked. What. What?
No, my ears probably had water, or whatever, in them. Jordan was trying to break up with me?
Well, that ruined my good mood for the rest of the holidays. I was coped up in my room for two days straight, with pizza, my phone, and my dark room. I would ignore Jenna's texts and when Mom and Dad wanted me down from my room, I didn't answer. Jason was as happy as ever, so I guess he was glad I was upset.
Chloe visited me sometimes, and we talked about stuff, but it would end with Chloe cussing Jordan out. I felt bad because Jordan was not a dick, pussy, bastard, or whore.
But still, was he really trying to break up with me?
On the third day of Winter Break, which lasted two weeks, I texted Jordan.
me: hey, are you ignoring my texts and calls because you want me to know that we're through?
I literally did NOT want to see his reply. I turned on 'Do Not Disturb' on my phone and threw it on my bed.
On my bed.
So it won't crack.
You could flat out say I was depressed.
Listening to Panic! At The Disco helped a lot, well, not really. I mean, This Is Gospel made me want to curl up in a ball and die.
So then I thought about it.
If I loved Jordan, if he wanted to be set free, would I let him be free? Would I let him go?
Was this the end of us?
I covered my face with a pillow and screamed in it. I was so confused. I was so frustrated.
I was wrecked. (get wrekt m8)
Even though the pillow was getting wetter from the second, from saliva or tears, I didn't know, I didn't care.
I found my answer.
If I loved Jordan, which I do, and if Jordan was to break up with me, which I don't want, would I let him be free?
I loved him. I loved Jordan. I had to admit it, I'd be lying if I said I didn't. My crush, my attraction, turned into HUGE feelings. I fucking love Jordan.
