Behind Bars (Jason McCann)

11.Change Of Plans

Jasons POV

The sound of rain,crashing into the small window that was my only peak into the world most of the time,filled my ears.It relaxed my body and quieted me down from all the chaos around me.I observed one drop sliding down and as it got lower it separated into two.The two droplets,chasing down,one faster than the other.To me it seemed as if they were having a race.

I sighed.All of us,people,are like droplets of water,millions of them.When it rains,it doesn't rain just one,it also rains millions.Rain eventually stops,and so does a human life.The water cycle is very much equivalent to the life we live and go through.

First the water evaporates from a puddle into a cloud,which represents us coming out of the womb into our mother's arm.After that the cloud condenses,which resembles our whole life.The way we learn to manage things on our own and learn something new day by day.How every choice affects our future and that everyday gets tougher.I witnessed that on my own skin,I mean, look where I ended up.And then finally we have the rain,which is the last few years of our life.We live some more and then it's done.Everything is gone,except for memories we leave in other peoples hearts.Then of course,since it's a cycle,it happens all over again but with new babies.

I sighed as I lay back down on the hard and cold cushion.My thoughts instantly switching onto my favourite subject,Madison.I wanted her to come with me,to run away with me so the both of us could be happy.I know she would be mad at first but at the end it would make her smile.

I don't know how I'm going to convince her,or if I should even tell her.Yes,it would be the right thing to do but after all my whole life is based on lies so why should there be exceptions? That's a good question.Why should Madison be an exception? I should just put her on some drugs and just take her.

But a voice at the back of my head was stronger than I,and it was telling me to be honest with her.If she really trusts me she will come with me.And that's what I kept telling myself.It isn't hard being all positive,let me tell you that.Especially when you have a whole gang on your back that doesn't want any changes caused by a girl in the gang house.

I totally understand them.Last time I trusted a girl it ended terribly.Both for her and I.I rather not think about that.But Madison is different and I am sure of it.I just know it and the boys should trust me.If I allow them to bring one night stand strippers into the house they should let me bring someone that makes me happy,into not only,my house but my life too.

I will admit,I am a rather cold person.I fuck girls and usually don't care about them the next day,but I mean that's just what I'm used to.I don't allow everyone into my world.Only exceptions and I said before Madison is a huge exception.

I think the thing that is haunting me most about all of this is that what if I do hurt her? What if I get drunk one time and won't be able to control myself or what if I forget to take my medication and take my anger out on her.What if I did any stupid shit by accident that could have an upsetting influence on her feelings? I would never forgive myself that.

And if that happened,where would she go? If I took her,illegally,out of jail she wouldn't be aloud to just go back to her family,she could get out back into prison and have even more years on her back.But it would also be very bad for her mental health to stay with me if we kept argueing and she wasn't happy at all.

That got me thinking over the fact if I should actually even bother taking her.She would get out of jail eventually and we could be together then...but I can't wait.Everytime I saw her walk by my heart picked up its pace.I had this strange feeling overcome me and it wasn't something I was used to.Overall she made me want to become better for her and for myself too.She gives me another perspective and view on life,a positive one.She is like the light that shines on my dark ass and brutal life.

We are like a beauty and a beast,fire and ice,a rose and a thorn.She had a happy life and loving family,meanwhile I on the other hand had nothing.No happiness,just continuous missions,drugs,money and clubs.I had no family either.

My mother left my father when I was five years old.She left,as in passed away.My father beat her but that wasn't why she passed.He called her awful things and she fell into a sort of depression.I was only so small and I didn't know how serious it was.The only thing my little self knew back then was how my moms crying sounded and how bad my father was.

My fathers way of being had a huge impact on the way I am today.If I hadn't seen him do so many cruel things as a young boy maybe I wouldn't be like him today.

Sometimes when I thought about it,I actually hated myself for the stuff I do.It was a terribl feeling,but then other times I didn't give a flying fuck.I felt as if people deserved it for the way I was treated before.But then there's  no turning back now.If I stop I'll go to jail or could be dead.

"Get yourself together" something in me called.I let out a long breathe.The inner voice was right.I had to stay strong,for my mom,and myself.I knew I wasn't making my mom proud but I knew if she were still alive she would still love me as much as I love her.If I find my father one day,I'll make him pay for what he did to her.

I sat up in my bunk and thought to myself for a minute.A lightbulb switching on in my head.I quietly hopped down and went over to the opposite bed.I tapped Seth,who was snoring loudly,deep in his slumber.He groaned and finally opened his eyes.

"Do you have the whole escape planned out with the rest of the guys?" I question in a whisper.He nods and asks,"why?".

"Because there's been a change of plans.We're leaving this place tomorrow" I smirk,feeling my confidence refill my entire body.