Broken Generation (Sequel to Don't Go)

Chapter 11

** 2 Months After Nicole Woke Up **

** Crimsons P.O.V. **

The bathroom door was locked tightly and I sat on the floor, trembling on the cold tiles. The tiles were sucking the heat out of my body, my trembling, underweight, exhausted body. Cassidy kept getting money for me, especially after I explained my current situation. Josh had been gone for a few days, for why I didn't know, but I didn't care. As long as he didn't get to see me.

I let out another gasping sob, fingers trembling as I grabbed the empty syringe.

"F-fuck me." I muttered, shoving it under the sink before collapsing back on the ground. I had to get rid of any and all evidence, i had to do it when my mind was clear. I could feel the vomit in my throat but I didn't want to throw up, I wanted to resist the urge- if i couldn't fight the drug I at least wanted to fight the effects.

'You're so fucking weak, you can't fight a simple drug and yet you want to protect everyone you love.' My brain echoed and I weakly punched the ground, letting out a loud cry of pain. The shower covered my cries, mostly. I pushed myself onto my hands and knees. I couldn't feel my muscles, whatever was left of them anyways, and the bile came back again. I barely reached the toilet before I threw up.

'You can't save anyone. You can't save yourself, Nicole, especially Nicole! Look what happened, she committed suicide in your own home.' I growled weakly, wiping vomit off my mouth. The voice in my head seemed to actually become a being, someone to taunt me.

"She's not dead! She's alive!" My voice cracked as I yelled at the door, where the voice was coming from.

"LIES! You know she's dead, this whole time you've been hallucinating, you've been losing your mind, and you know why?? BECAUSE YOU TRUSTED CASSIDY. You made a mistake Crimson, you screwed everything up. Josh's gonna find out, he's gonna leave you, you thought you were eventually going to marry him? Well forget it, you're probably going to end up on the street!" The voice spat and I let out a horrible sob, spit flying from my mouth and into the toilet. I couldn't breathe, my chest was constricted, and every breath was a gasp. The feeling to vomit was gone. I could barely stand, leaning heavily on the counter. I paused, staring at the counter top before finally looking at myself in the mirror.

God, i wanted to vomit again. I looked like a shell... like a druggy. What was Josh going to say?

"Oh, i think he'll know right away." It whispered again and I closed my eyes, refusing to see more. But it was burned into my brain, I couldn't see anything but me. I was thin boned and horrible. I was sick. With a disease. I was going to die. I choked on another sob , ignoring my phone as it buzzed from a message, resting innocently on the counter. I opened my eyes, using what was left of my blurry vision to see who sent me the message. Austin's name was faint on the screen and I looked away, the tears feeling like they were burning my skin.

"I'm going to hell." I whispered, rubbing my face intensely.

"Yes, you are." It whispered, and I growled viciously, suddenly feeling a great dam of anger break in me.

"Then i'm going down fighting!" I shouted, slamming my fist on the counter top. My bones were jarred but I didn't care, I couldn't care.

"Ha. Good luck." It whispered.

** Nicole's P.O.V. **

What could I say? This past month seemed to have past by very quickly. However at moments a few hours felt like days. That of course was when I was by myself, which seemed to be a lot recently. After the one month of having Evan in the house everyday he had to go back working. In a matter of a few days he found a new job and told me he was was going to show up the next day. Since then I see Evan in the morning if I wake up early which is rare, after he comes back from work and during the weekend.