forget about fate & just hold me.

lost.

I feel so gross. there's tissues all over my bed, I haven't changed my clothing or showered in days.

I hear knocks on my door. I don't even bother answering. I told my mom she was the only one that was allowed to come in my room. Not even Selena could come over.

"Sweetie.." she calls slowly opening my door.

I groan in response

"Demetria! Look at this room! Look at your bed, look at YOU!"

I keep my face buried in my pillow

I hear her feet shuffling towards me. My bed sinks towards my stomach. Warm hands rub my now shaking back.

"It's so hard mom.." I croak as I cry

"I know sweetie.. I know" she tries to sooth me

"how could he just.. hurt me like he did!?!" I yell gathering myself & sitting up.

"Demetria, you've asked that every single day since it happened.. I've given you the same answer. Joe loves you Demi, he let his frustration take over and he went too far. I'm not saying what Joe did is right. Now, if you still want to be with this boy he needs help first & if he ever lays a hand on you again you will NEVER see him again. Do you hear me Demi? NEVER."

I just nod my head regretting even asking her in the first place.

"Now back to this room. It needs to be in tip top shape and so do you. I'll be up in a few hours to come and get you. I invited Mandy and Selena over for dinner."

I smile when she mentions Selena.. I've missed her so much.

"I love you mom.." I pull her closer to me and she hugs me.

"I love you too darling.. now get to it!" She releases me and leaves my room.

I look around my bedroom becoming aware of how gross it really is in here. My floor is covered in clothing even though I've been in the same tshirt and shorts for the last 4 days. Tissues are literally everywhere. Mostly on the ground next to my bathroom door & there is food everywhere.

As I'm scanning my room thinking of cleaning methods my eyes wander past my phone on my desk. I had it off for the past few days after Joe kept sending me apology texts. I couldn't take it, I wanted to forgive him but I knew I shouldn't so I just turned off my phone.

I get out of bed and walk over to my desk. My legs are incredibly sore & I dunno why.

I rub my eyes as I wait for my phone to boot up.

"da-da ling!" .. "da-da ling!"

"da-da-da-da-da-da-da ling!"

My phone was going crazy, I had so many messages.

Once it finally calmed down and stopped beeping all together I unlocked my phone.

0-8-1-5

ugh I need to change that. I scroll through the many messages Joe has sent. The long ones, the short ones, the simple I love you's & all of that apology stuff.

I sigh loudly dropping my phone onto my bed and laying down. I let the tears spill out for the final time. This is it. I'm not going to cry over this anymore. I sit up into a criss cross apple sauce position & unlocked my phone again. I deleted ALL of Joe's messages, then turned off my phone again. I didn't need any distractions.

Up & out of my bed I grabbed every piece of garbage I could find and shoved it in a garbage bag. I didn't really realize how messy and gross my room was till I filed up a garbage JUST with tissues.