Reality (Sequel to Future)

Chapter Thirteen

I sat down on the ground and played with Deon and his lego blocks. Devin was out seeing Chresanto which I was thankful for. I couldn't take another second of him being in the house. Sixteen months could not come any slower. I just wanted Chresanto home so that I could get Devin the hell out of my house. I could just kick him out now myself but then I'd have to explain everything to Chresanto including the part where I kissed Devin back because if I didn't, Devin would. Then what would happen after that? Chresanto would kill Devin, that's what. He'd probably leave me too and take Deon right with him. God, why the hell did I have to kiss Devin back? And he didn't regret a damn thing about it. That proves that getting me to break was his plan all along. Now he can dangle it over my head whenever he wants. The worst part is that I fall for it every time! Every time he walks by me, gets close to me, talks to me, or gives me one of those intense looks he's been giving me ever since we first kissed I just lose every bit of common sense I may have had before. What was wrong with me?

I try to convince myself that I love Chresanto and that I would never do something like that to him but when Devin is around, I get so nervous just thinking about the mess he could get me into. Maybe it was because I missed Chresanto too much. Not to mention that Devin reminded me so much of him. They're both hood, drug dealers, funny, handsome, good with Deon, smooth with me...and I hated it. Devin's been more toned down about his feelings for me all week because Miss Mabel has been around but today was the start of the weekend so she's not even working today or tomorrow. Just that thought alone made me anxious. I knew he was going to try something. What I didn't know was if I would have the strength to turn him away when he did. Ever since this whole thing happened, I've seriously been thinking about taking Chresanto up on those conjugal visits. Yes, it was going to be hard for me to just leave him afterward but it would definitely be a lot better than feening for him every day. It would probably help with my resistance from Devin too.

Deon began to crawl into my lap making me smile. He was getting so big and developing so fast. I hoped that Chresanto would be home in time to watch him take his first steps or  say his first word. I know he'd be proud.

"Hey" Devin's voice said from behind us interrupting my thoughts.

"Um...hey" I mumble trying to avoid eye contact with him.

I heard his footsteps get closer and he sat down next to me. Deon looked up at him making Devin smile and run his hands through his little curls playfully.

"How'd it go with Chresanto?" I asked.

Really all I cared about was knowing if he told him what happened between us.

"Good. We talked. He says he's doing fine"

I nodded.

"That's all?"

"I didn't tell him if that's what you're wondering" he chuckled.

Relief came over me and I relaxed.

"I wanted to talk to you about something though" he said more seriously all of a sudden.

I looked at him trying to read his face as to what this might be about but I got nothing.

"What is it?"

"I wanted to apologize...for everything this time"

I stared at him strangely. Was he serious? All of these days of harassing me and now he's sorry?

"I know it's a surprise but...I don't know, man. I just miss us. I mean I know that we weren't best friends or anything like that but I used to be able to just hang out with you and Deon whenever and it not be awkward. And I know most of it is my fault but Bahja, I was only pursuing you because you made me feel like I could"