Sad Poems and a Glimmer of Hope

What's Hope When You're Diving in Shallow Water?

The objects on my desk cast shadows across the wall.
As the moonlight peers in through my window,
I ponder my thoughts and stall.
Outside, the streets are dead.
No one to see at all.
Except one ambulance rushing with speed.
Going to the house of someone in need.
Before their heart stops.
My heartbeat drops.
Slowly pulsating away as it becomes clear,
That the silence of the night is nothing to fear.
It's only after your eyes close that you should ever worry, dear.
Do you think you ever will?
It's can only go downhill from here.
Unless you stay awake until sunrise.
Even when your brain tells you those lies.
Petrified of my mind telling me to hide
From all of the monsters that live inside.
I'm never going back until I have to.
Until I can take no more.
Until my will is broken and I pass out on the floor.
Don't think about the past,
The past is behind you now.
The past has shaped your future,
You'll never turn it around.
Why aren't you the man that you were yesterday?
Why have you let us down?
What happened to the ones you loved?
What happened to this town?
You miserable fuck-up with an incentive to kill.
All your motivations, your dreams...
You just sit still.
Lying in your bed.
Next to a windowsill.
Wondering when your next regret takes you back to those pills.
Writing about the life you wish were still real.
Tell me, how do you really feel?
Throwing your life away.
Wishing you hadn't left and everyone else had stayed.
Starting over fresh like the beginning of a new day.
Unfortunately I've been through many.
They aren't all that they seem.
They hide a darker secret and that begins with me.
Lying here alone.
Thinking to myself.
Reminding me of how much I wish that I were someone else.
It seems to me,
I'm a novelty.
Something to set on a shelf.
Watch it work and watch it turn.
Then let it break and watch it burn.
Destroying the evidence that it ever mattered.
Compressing my mind, I'm ever flatter.
Losing focus that I wouldn't rather be as happy as I can be.
Living my life so peacefully!
Not dealing with this shit that I have to.
Making up for the things that I've fucked up before.
Ripping my heart like a paper that tore.
Three am, you know what's in store.
Waiting on me to make a move,
Luring me in, wanting to consume.
Close my eyes and say good night,
I won't give in to sleep without a fight,
I'll stare at this wall until I see sunlight.
Goodnight and good luck,
I wish you all a fair well,
I'm going back to that place that I call hell.