Silence || FourTris

Chapter One

Song for this chapter -
Thousand Miles - Tove Lo.

"Too far away to feel you, but I can't forget your skin.
Wonder what you're up to, what state of mind you're in."

Tris.
It all started when he brought up the possibility of having a baby.
I was having a bad enough day already, considering my perverted boss kept hitting on me. Saying things like, "You look good in that pencil skirt, but you'd look better in my lap." Or "accidentally" grazing my ass with his hand. I had the urge to kick him in his balls so hard they would fall off, but I decided not to act on my actions, for the better of my working career. Whenever I got my next job, - which I hoped was soon - assault would not be appealing to the work company on my "reasons for firing/ quitting" portion of the rèsume.

I still don't have a new job, but I may or may not have told my boss that my husband would, & I quote, "personally come to the office & beat the living shit out of his rejected ass." My boss hasn't tried to make any moves on me since.

In the beginning, Tobias & I were the happiest couple in our cozy neighborhood in Chicago. We had everything anyone could ask for in a relationship: trust, love, & an amazing sex life. Along with other things that I would mention, but are irrelevant to the conversation.

We had a routine. We would wake up, shower together or separately, - depending on the day & our moods - eat breakfast, then we would exchange our goodbyes. I would head to the daycare center I work at, ready with a smile on my face to watch the children. I never attended college, even after my parents constant nagging that I should've, which explains why I have such a shitty job.

Don't get me wrong, I love the children. They're fun to be around & I like to take care of them, but the job does not pay well. If I were to have my own child, I would need a better job. I always promised myself that no matter what, I would be able to support my children. And that is a promise I will not break.

But I guess that's enough of my morals & promises, I should just get to the point. Tobias would then go to the mechanic shop, where he works, & do his job. Later, as I would make dinner, he would come home. We would eat, enjoy time together, then the night would usually end with him fucking my brains out. Yeah, nice right?

Well, reality has kicked in & things aren't the same anymore. He wants a child. I don't. I do not dislike children, I promise. Children are great. Fine & dandy. But that means support. Lots & lots of support. It means restless nights of crying, diaper changing, & bottle feeding. I'm not ready for that. I'm twenty five, what does he expect from me? I'm selfish & impatient. I want things how I want them, not how he or anyone else wants them. How I want them.

If we have a baby, I will never get my body back. I will acquire the sketch marks, baby weight- you name it. I don't think Tobias realizes that.  I do feel for him, though. He is twenty seven, & that is when men usually settle down & start having children. Give or take a few years.

But now, after two months of him suggesting that we have a baby, things aren't as they used to be. Silence fills our everyday lives. We barely even talk. Even after he comes home, we eat dinner in silence. Silence, silence, silence. Everything has changed, for the worse. I have made attempts, but the night always ends with him reading before we sleep, & me on my phone, usually scrolling through Facebook or Twitter. It is saddening.

And that leads me to my current dilemma. Marriage counseling. We're attending fucking marriage counseling.

•••

"Do you want any eggs with that?" The waitress asks Tobias with a light smile. She is very pretty. Bleach blonde hair, soft facial features, with a curvaceous body type.

"Sure. Thanks." Tobias flashes his million dollar smile at her, turning to me when she walks away.

"Can I just ask why?" I mumble quietly. I try to avoid eye contact, but he just lifts my chin up with his index finger.

"Tris, we haven't spoken in days until now. I think that answers your question." He says with pain visible in his eyes. Being in close proximity of him makes me feel warm inside, so I just send him a small smile. "You're beautiful, you know." I can feel my cheeks getting hot at his sweet comment, but I just say thank you & change the subject to work. It feels good to have a real conversation with him, not just one that consists of goodbyes & hellos.

After this, we have our first marriage counseling appointment, and I'm extremely nervous.

•••

Okay, so whoever is reading this, this story is going to be written by Jocelyn & me. AND BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING, WE HAVE NEVER,  I REPEAT NEVER, been to a marriage counseling meeting, so we really don't know what marriage counselors say, so don't hate if we write something that doesn't really seem like it would help a marriage. It's just a story. Okay bye lovelies.
Started - 1/10/16.
  -Jaide.