"grandma i'm hungry )-:" anthony said while holding onto his stomach. "thats not my problem you devil child." helen said throwing his bag of candy that he got towards him. "eat that you spawn of satan." she said walking out of the kitchen. "mother!!! i specifically told you not to give him candy unless i checked it first!" raven said walking it and snatching the bag away from anthony, he cried but she didnt care. she only wants best for her child's safety. raven took one glance and gave it back instantly. "all good!!" she said leaving with a confident smile. but it wasnt good. none of it was all good. anthony took a peice of snickers out of his bag and bit into it, rapper and all. what he didnt know was there was a gun in the snickers, one bite and it immediately blew his brains out. raven and austin heard the bang and looked at each other. raven shrugged. "its probably just haley and lamont." she said obliviously. "isn't lamont dead?" austin said confusingly. they both looked at each other and shrugged, "who cares." "true."
"where is thE FUCKING TURKEY???" dawson yelled from the kitchen where merlinda was chilling in, standing at the stove and cooking since helen is a neglectful mother and raven didnt even know its thanksgiving. austin heard the yells from the kitchen and sighed, standing up from the couch to help dawson find the fucking turkey. raven doesnt even eat turkey but she wanted some juice so she got up and followed. "dad what are you yelling about???" raven asked since austin refuses to speak to dawson unless its simply an insult. "i cant find the turkey, my child!!!" he complained, searching through the cabinets. "well, have you checked the freezer?" she asked and looked in the freezer. as they took literally three hours to search the kitchen, merlinda ( who was cooking dinner the whole time ) pulled the turkey out of the oven. "hey, you fucking idiot, i found the turkey." austin said and merlinda looked at him like ?????.
the door bell rang and everyone froze. "fUCK WHOSE AT OUR DOOR AT THIS HOUR??" austin said whispering. "austin, its 3 pm in the afternoon, and its thanksgiving." merlinda said leaving the kitchen to set up the dining table. "its thanksgving??" austin said looking towards raven. "idk?? is it thanksgiving??" raven said looking around and seeing turkey decorations everyone. "probably not, but then again merlinda never lies." austin said shrugging. "true." raven said and settling in the table with austin by her side. dawson opened the door and saw austins parent. he shut the door and left. "who was it??" helen said trying to look through the door hole. "no one, bible sales men, wow do you smell that??? lets go eat!!" dawson said trying to grab helens arm. "dawson we know ur in there!!" bobby, one of austins parents said. "fuck! he knows we're here. okay u grab the kids and hide!! and ill get my shotgun ready." he said sprinting towards his room.
"would you fucking assholes let my parents in." austin said, opening the door and letting bobby and ethan into the house. "my son!!!" ethan said cheerfully, hugging austin tightly, which obviously made him uncomfortable. dawson glared in disgust when he saw them and he held the shotgun close to him. "whats wrong with dad?" raven asked as bobby and ethan sat down at the table. "your father is a homophobe." "homophobe? hes afraid of houses???" she asked. "i- yes. hes afraid of houses." helen sighed, realizing her daughter is fucking retarded.
they all sat down finally after 10 years and began eating like they haven't ate in 20 years. raven and austin fuckin sMASHED the mashed potatoes, helen and dawson devoured the turkey & stuffing, merlinda and josh sat in disgust, haley with her new boy toy, antonio, were too busy making out to eat and zach was eating his pumpkin pie properly with a fork and a knife & darion and bardum were nowhere to be found. meanwhile bobby and ethan were too busy giggling with each other to notice dawson staring at them with pure anger. "dawson i know you don't want me to roast you but i will if u don't stop staring at my man." bobby said standing and holding out his hand getting ready to roast. zach started crying immediately and dawson got confused. "they- they're gonna bake you dad??" he said holding onto dawson with strong force. "no what the fuck get the fuck off me." dawson said shoving zach 23 feet away from him. "bobby i don't like you or ethan you're lucky i even let you in!!" dawson said leaving. "boy, you built like a computer monitor." bobby said trying to roast dawson but just came just embarrassing. dawson stopped in his place and hurled himself toward bobby because it hit home.
as dawson and bobby fought, raven and austin were enjoying their perfectly smashed mashed potatoes and watching them fight. helen joined in beside them and enjoyed the potatoes with them. "should we stop them?" raven asked as they fought into the other room. "nah, they'll be fine." austin said as he ate 100 mashed potatoes. "why can we never have a normal holiday?" helen asked.
