Immortalfox (Let's See Where This Will go) boyxboy

Chapter 29

Aleks POV:

The tap of shoes on the ground and the rolling of luggage wheels was all I heard. It was quiet in the airport, people murmuring to themselves. It was a Sunday, anyway.

They watched me as I slouched by, wearing a black jacket, tan pants, and a navy beanie atop my head.

I’ll admit it: I had been crying. But that doesn’t give people the right to stare.

I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I was drowning in my sorrows, but I blew them off…sort of like I did everything else.

I didn’t want to think about that, though. I couldn’t bring myself to. It would only upset me further. It was nearly impossible, however. That was the only thing to think about.

God, I had fucked up. So much. So bad. Eddie would hate me for all eternity. And so would my fans. Oh. Wait. They already do.

After our argument yesterday, I didn’t talk to Eddie for the rest of the day. I went out to a bar and did what I never do: I drank. It was so unlike me to do that, but I needed something to suppress my thoughts and make me stop thinking about it. Alcohol was my only option, right? So I chugged. I got so drunk that I threw up three times. They eventually kicked me out and, luckily, I had a mind enough to go check into a hotel. The lady at the front desk had been kind enough and let me get a room as opposed to throwing me out. I woke the next morning with a hangover that killed. I left early and let myself back into Eddie’s apartment where I crashed on the couch for a few hours.

I woke at around 12 with a bit more of a clear head and, of course, that sucked because the first thing I woke to was my own thoughts about Eddie—you know, that guy I loved with all of my heart and soul but had managed to push away like everyone else in my life. Yeah, that guy. And I thought about how much I screwed up and how much I wanted to fix it…but I didn’t think about that last part, really. I thought about how much I wanted to forget about him so that I could just move on with my life.

So here I was, getting ready to board my flight back home.

Once I sat down on my seat in the plane, I thought about my future. This plane was sort of a symbol, in a way. It signified my ability to move on. I could do that. It was a clean break.

I saw people do this all of the time in books and movies. They convinced themselves so hard enough that everything was going to be okay that their minds believed it. I waited for that feeling—that hopeful feeling. It never came, though. What had I done wrong? Maybe it wasn’t hard enough.

So as I continued to think happy thoughts, I vaguely knew it wasn’t going to work. It never would. Eddie was one part of me I’d never be able to get rid of.