Light On {Niam Love Story}

Twenty-Nine.

A/N: Been quite a long time since I've felt like writing for this. I don't even know why I haven't been in the mood. Lately, I haven't been able to write for anything. I guess I'm starting to get back into the swing of things, so I suppose you could say this has been an unofficial hiatus? I don't even know. I'm pathetic. So, this chapter is for "lovealwayskarla" because I've been reading her story and it's like being in heaven. Definitely recommend it. There's no song for this chapter but there is a trigger warning so read with caution because this is all I could squeeze out. Enjoy, and I'm SO sorry for the obnoxious wait.

Niall would like to think that things have been getting better.

But he's come to face a rather harsh reality - the reality when he starts to understand that he's never really going to get better. He wishes that he could understand, wishes that he could explain, but he can't. No matter how hard he tries to be happy, he can't. Why? He wishes he knew.

He has a beautiful, loving fiance. Liam is perfect. Liam is sexy, Liam loves him. He's so beautiful, so nice, and Niall couldn't ask for anything more. He loves the way that Liam holds him, the way that Liam sings to him. He's so happy with that boy that the only positive thing that ever rushes through his mind is the quiet, constant mantra of liampayneliampayneliammotherfuckingpayne.

He has a perfect best mate. Zayn is funny and smart and loving, in that best friend way that only he can achieve, and he's just everything that Niall could ever ask for. He just loves the way his mate makes him smile, the way that he makes him laugh. And he would never admit, especially not to Liam, but he really does adore the way that Zayn kisses and hugs. Fuck, he just really loves Zayn (not in the way that he loves Liam, but...).

He has perfect band mates. Louis and Harry are pretty crazy, admittedly, but Niall does love them. Louis is so happy and friendly to everyone that he meets, and it's a wonder how one person can be so positive. Harry's charismatic, sauve, and seems to know his way around every situation that he gets himself into. They're only human, and they've made their share of mistakes, but they are perfection in their own way, and Niall adores them for it - even if he can be jealous of them at points, they're still his brothers and they're the best things to ever happen to him (apart from Liam and Zayn, but we're not going to go there at the moment).

His fans are perfect and beautiful, every single one of them are. He loves them all for being so supportive through all of the bullshit. One Direction's hiatus was rather upsetting, sure, but the majority of the fanbase was understanding and told them to take their time. Niall couldn't have been more grateful, all he really needed was a break.

With the highs, of course, came the lows.

The first low was waking up in the middle of the night with night terrors. He would get nightmares that shook him out of an otherwise peaceful sleep, and it wasn't hard for Liam to guess the orgin of these dreams that plagued his love.

Liam was always there, of course he was. He wouldn't leave - wouldn't even dream of leaving. He loved Niall, and wouldn't let him suffer through all of this by himself. Sometimes he would hug him, just hold him, or kiss him with all the life he had in him. Sometimes it would be a snog, and more often than not, it would turn into sex. The kind of sex that couldn't be considered sex - it was making love. Passionate love that made both boys cry and kiss tears off of each other's faces. Sometimes, it wasn't so sweet.

Niall would scream and cry and flail - his limbs would smack Liam's face, but the older boy never quite seemed to mind. He would allow Niall to get it all out - sometimes leading to the boy trying to rip out his hair or scratch at his eyes. He'd scream at Liam, telling him to just let him go, give up on him, let him die. Liam's heart would just about break.

"Don't let him get me!" Niall would yell, clutching at Liam for dear life. He'd shake like a leaf in his lover's arm, chest constricting and throat swelling. It would feel like someone was choking him. He'd be nearly positive that he would die.

And Liam would swear that he wouldn't let anything happen to him. He'd say that it was all over, and Niall wouldn't get hurt anymore. Niall wasn't exactly convinced, because Liam couldn't be sure of this. He could pop up whenever, wherever. He had before, and Liam hadn't been there to protect him, then. Could he protect him at all?

 Niall tried to put these bad feelings on the back burner for the moment, as he went through the days like a normal person would. He and Liam planned their wedding. They didn't once visit Harry, who had been admitted into the psych ward after his suicide attempt. Liam couldn't be bothered., and Niall would never be apart from Liam for too long. Neither boy heard much from Zayn, other than an occasional phone call that woud only last for a few minutes - and Niall would be lying if he said that he didn't miss his best friend. They hadn't heard anything from Louis, which wasn't exactly abnormal, but they can't place why he's giving everyone the silent treatment.

No matter how much he tried to straighten himself out, he couldn't. The nightmares came, and sometimes went if he were lucky. Of course they did - no matter how happy he was, the nightmares were like a plague that never went away. Still, he tried to smile through it all - all he really wanted was to be happy, and maybe that could happen if he tried hard enough.

Niall and Liam were great, things were great. There were bumps in the road, there always would be, but things were alright. They didn't have much to complain about, honestly. They loved each other, loved their lives, and things couldn't get much better.

Sometimes, the violation was easy to remember. Niall could pick out every little detail. He could remember where the bruises were, how vibrant they had been. He remembers where he bled, he remembers how that day and the days that followed had played out. Undeniably, he was still on edge and he still shook if someone he didn't know got too close. He didn't know if he would ever break out of that stage. Liam suggested therapy.

But that was the thing - sometimes, he was just fine. Niall didn't think that he needed any help, simply because he wasn't always sad. He used to be, sure. No one could even pretend to be okay after such a traumatizing event - at least, Niall couldn't. No matter what day it ended up being, they balanced each other out and, overall, he was fine.

He had gotten help through Liam.

Liam, the love of his life.