Therian Diary

Friday, the 15th of January, 2016

I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. Some seriously damaging stuff had happened to me but now... now I think I'm finally happy.

I'm crying at the moment. I was overwhelmed with joy it just made me burst in to tears. Recently I received a fox pelt as a Christmas gift (I prefer yule.. but eh, christian family). It's one of the most spiritual items I own and for the first time I meditated with it. I think it was the best decision I've ever made...

I decided to try not to concentrate on nothing, but let my thoughts slowly flow out of my head. My loneliness means nothing... Those times where I've been broken and upset are in the past. School is just a hurdle in your life you will get through. After I felt the thoughts leaving my body, I felt golden, I felt bright and radiant like a god. I felt such a sense of completion as I let everything go. It doesn't matter if people hate me.. They can call me names and pick on me but I'll never stop being me. It doesn't matter how they see me.. it matters how I see myself. I'd had some struggles with depression in the past and for the first time.. I feel happy.

What made me cry though, was after all of those good thoughts happened... I saw Winterfell smiling and playing in the snow. I'd never seen winterfell smiling or happy at all before.. I was a lot more serious and determined on survival. I'd always been howling for something that I never knew existed, I just wandered the lands alone, and desparate. But now, for the first time in nearly a year of being a therian.. He was happy. He was bounding and rolling in the snow, wagging his tail ferociously with a smile that made me realise that I was finally healed. And I burst into tears.

I awakened on the 26th of January, 2015. It took me an entire year to finally be happy. I've been battling depression since 2013. So let this be a message... You will get through it. There will be a beautiful beautiful outcome. It will take guts, determination, focus and a lot of self discovery, but let me tell you... After digging myself out of this hole. I can finally say that I'm happy. I spent so long feeling so miserable.. and I tried to distract myself with friends, smoking and even alcohol... but now I know that the key to happiness is to find it within yourself. You have to make some part of yourself be prepared to become better on your own. I don't need a love life to make me feel complete.. I only need myself. I've never felt so content in my life. I'm happy with me, I'm happy with my spirituality. I am finally enlightened.

Maybe one day you'll see yourself smiling, and playing in the snow.

(edit: nvm im sad again hahahah)