I'm So Sorry is a Pokémon one shot about Lucario and his partner Riolu, who work together to fight against evil, until one day. This one shot tells the story of that day, the day that Lucario will never forget.
This one shot is definitely a story written for Pokémon fans and those at least familiar with the game and/or television series. Someone completely unfamiliar with Pokémon would probably be a bit confused, but those who are shouldn't have any trouble at all.
Overall, I thought that the plot of this story was straightforward and moved along at a good pace. It also has a good amount of tension building up to the climax. All of these things are good to have in a short piece. It didn't get unnecessarily complicated or leave any annoying loose ends. It's complete in itself.
The story seems to be written as a simple progression of actions, stating what happened first and then moving on to the events that followed. It's a style that might work for a short piece like this, but I personally would have liked to see each event drawn out a bit more. It seems to focus more on telling what happened than showing how the events unfolded. I would have liked to see more descriptions throughout so that I can see how the Houndoom in the first paragraph are attacking or what the berries they eat look and taste like, for example. Having some of these details would have helped me engage with the story even more.
Concerning the plot, I also found myself wondering about the main villain of this piece. I didn't understand why he would want to do what he was planning. If he were to succeed in doing what he planned, what would be in it for him? Some small explanation of his motivations would have gone a long way.
That being said, though, I think the real power of this story is its ability to draw emotions from the reader. For a short two page read, I felt a range of strong emotions, including concern, sympathy, sadness, and tension. Having read the comments on the story, I can see that many of the other readers experienced the same, and that is something that the author can be proud of. The ability to make a strong impression can never be underestimated.
Unfortunately, this story also had a number of errors that I found distracting, including a few problems with pronouns and verb tense as well as the occasional awkward wording or missing comma. Fortunately, these are problems that could be easily fixed with the help of a good editor. Since this story is so short, I would volunteer to edit it myself if the author would be willing.
** Published in July 2013 **
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