[Closed] For all those looking for the best quality books that Wattpad has to offer: this is the review book for you. With a bachelor's degree in Writing and over six years of experience on this website, I'll bring you recommendations for the best b...
From the time he was a child, everyone has told Hau that he is destined to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and become the next kahuna of Melemele Island, but, when he finally sets out on his trial, it seems like his rival Luna is always two steps ahead of him. What can the young trainer do if it turns out that battling is just not for him?
This is a one shot that takes a look at the basic plot line of Pokémon Sun and Moon (or Ultra Sun/Moon) from the perspective of a different character and ends up exploring an alternate ending for that character. Through the third person limited perspective, we are treated to narration that tells the story while seamlessly and simultaneously delivering the thoughts and feelings of our main character. The voice of the piece is one of its biggest strengths, telling the story in a way that's simple enough to be a realistic reflection of an eleven year old's thoughts while also being straight forward and compelling.
The story is very clever in the way that it maintains the child-like traits of the young characters while still finding ways to hint at the deeper emotional conflicts broiling beneath the surface. It has a great way of providing succinct descriptions that immediately convey an impression of a character or perfectly sum up a situation. Characters like Lillie and Gladion are in character and immediately recognizable not just by name but through the way they speak and carry themselves and respond to the events around them, and this is true even though they go off script from what was shown in the games. Luna, being based on the player character, could easily have been depicted in a bland way that stems from her in-game status of basically a blank canvas, but instead she takes on some of the traits that she might appear to have while under the control of a particular type of player and becomes very realistic and interesting. And again this is accomplished in a very short space of words.
I always love a one shot that knows how to use every word to its advantage, so I also appreciated the fact that it follows a very clean narrative arc, from the introduction through the rising action and focusing in on the climactic moment before sweeping on to the delivery of the falling action. No part of it was drawn out longer than necessary. There were no useless paragraphs about characters walking from place to place or doing other mundane tasks that have no relation to the plot. The one shot focused on the story, no more, no less, and it used summary and pacing very effectively. There was one point in the story where the forward shift in time felt a bit awkward and confusing, but most of the time the transitions were smooth.
One critique I had was that I was uncertain of the logistics of how Hala cares for the starter Pokémon, such as where they are kept and how often Hau would see them, details that would make a difference for the kind of relationship that he forms with them, which is an important detail in the introductory portion of the one shot. Besides that, I have to point out that this one shot does not have a cover, settling instead for the default one that Wattpad creates based on the author's profile picture. That definitely isn't going to help the one shot gain new readers on a site like this, since most people will view that as a sign of a beginner or a person who doesn't know what they're doing and probably won't expect it to be correlated with good quality writing. I would recommend requesting a cover to be made by one of the many fine artists in our community.
But I think some people are really wondering what I thought about the technical aspects of the writing ̶ spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. I'll start by mentioning that I found a few comma errors, but they were really very few given the length of the one shot. In fact, they're the only mistakes I found in the entire thing, which is quite impressive.
I say that these are the only mistakes because I am aware that this particular author writes "Pokémon" as "pokemon" and fails to capitalize the names of Pokémon species completely on purpose. There is a definite pattern to it that matches with my understanding of his own personal standards. Just as we wouldn't capitalize the word "animal", he doesn't capitalize "Pokémon". Just as we would write about "your mom" as opposed to saying, "Hi, Mom", he capitalizes the name of a particular Pokémon like Pichu when the name of the species is being used as a form of address but not when it is used to classify the type of Pokémon that is being discussed. It's as if he's trying to be the Noah Webster of Pokémon fanfiction, changing the established way of writing things in order to bring them in line with other rules of the English language. Where Webster removed the "u" from "colour" because it served no phonetic purpose, this author removes capitalization where it serves no grammatical purpose.
Of course, the problem is that, just as there are people all over the world who are still spelling color with a "u" and will heartily insist that this is the correct spelling, there are people all over the Pokémon community who will insist that the correct way to write it is with a capital letter and an accent mark above the "e" (In case you haven't already figured it out, I am clearly one of the ones who write it this way). In fact, I would be willing to guess that the overwhelming majority of the Pokémon fandom takes this viewpoint for the simple reason that it is canon. The Pokémon Company itself writes it this way, even while making legal statements:
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When it comes to fictional creatures that are the intellectual property of a particular company, that company's word is the only law there is. That's what we call canon.
Obviously it is possible for those who write fanfiction to break canon. In many cases breaking with canon is actually the entire point. Even so, most fans who pick up a fanfic are going to go into it expecting canon to be followed unless it establishes otherwise, and that means that fans who pick up this one shot might have a negative reaction to this stylistic choice. A large number will probably even assume that this is, in fact, a mistake because it is one that amateur fanfic writers make all the time alongside a host of other errors and inconsistencies. I happened to know a bit about this author's style before reading, but not everyone will, especially when he is new to Wattpad and hasn't posted an explanation anywhere that I have seen on this site. Perhaps the author is prepared to address the matter in comments with the first person who points it out, but, if it were me, I would consider something along the lines of putting a note at the bottom of the description, perhaps something brief that states that it is a purposeful choice and provides a reference to a place where a larger explanation can be found if desired.
That being said, I truly was impressed with the quality of the writing in this one shot. The use of language, pacing, and other narrative techniques was excellent, the events of the plot evoked some real emotional responses from me, and it had a theme that I could truly appreciate. I do think it's a more enjoyable read for those who have played the Alola-based games since they will understand the greater context, but I also think that it is a story that I would recommend to people in a very wide range of ages. I think it's perfect that a Pokémon fanfiction can appeal to the same audience as the source material, and I truly wouldn't have a single qualm about recommending this one shot to the youngest readers to be found on Wattpad. I can also say that I enjoyed it as an adult, so I encourage any fans of the Sun and Moon games to check this out.
