Tainted (Shaylor AU) (boyxboy)

18 [Explanation (P1)]

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Probably the most awkward experience I've been in so far. I'm seated at the breakfast table with the family of the boy that I'm falling head over heels for. While he's wearing panties. Panties. Pretty ones. They're lacy and black, with a pretty pink little bow on the back I don't know if he knows I can see them through his oversized tee. It's also awkward as fuck because I can tell he hates me right now, or feels negatively towards me in some way. It's in his eyes. Maybe it's disappointment. Or disgust. I'm used to being looked at in the former. 

I can't bare to any of the family in their eyes, in fear that they'll look at me the same way. With the tattoos and piercings and all. So I'm leaving. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Mendes," I start, pushing away from the table and clearing my throat.

"I didn't mean to like, invade on your breakfast time. I-I-I mean it was nice though! Really good. But, um, I-I was  going to talk to your son, but like it would be rude to do that. S-So like er, Shawn text me later ok? We have to talk," I manage to get out, surprisingly comprehensively. 

I look at Shawn finally, and there's a small twinkle in his eyes. He gives a small nod. I smile back, satisfied with the fact that I got any acknowledgement back. 

"It was no problem to have you dear, stop by anytime," his mom smiles, taking a sip of her tea. 

I quickly walk my ass out before it gets any more tense. 

'''''''''''

"So why'd you wanna meet here? Like of all places?" 

"Because I know it's one of your favorite places Princess, and you'd feel comfortable here,"

"Oh," 

"Yeah...so we both know there's a giant ass elephant in te room, so I'm  gonna address it. "

"Taylor! Don't use that word!"

"Sorry Princess. Anyway, so...yes, I sell drugs. I do them too sometimes. I uh...and I know it probably like, completely changed how you feel about me. And I wouldn't blame you, at all. But I just want you to understand even though I'm doing these things, I'm still the same TayTay. Still the same Tay that will take you out for coffee on Saturday mornings, still the same Tay that will protect you from the ignorant, stupid, sweaty warthogs that bully you, and the same Tay that still cares deeply for you."

Shawn looks down at the grass beneath him, his slender fingers plucking at the green tufts as his chipped pastel pink nails face the sun, and sunlight reflecting off of them. His messy hair falls adorably in front of his face, and he bites those pink lips that I've learned every detail of. 

There's a silence between us for a small period of time, before he asks, "How did it start?"

I sit and think for a bit. "I'll tell you everything from the very beginning, get comfy." 

He smiles slightly and cuddles into me, his upper back leaning against in inner thigh. I smile down at him quickly before starting my story.

"I had...I had a pretty good childhood I would say. My family was actually one of the richest families on our block, and I had loving parents, and great friends--Louis and Jack, and got good grades. It was all sunshine and rainbows and shit like that. 

But then there was that day...I came home early from hanging out with Louis and Jack, and when I went inside, it was quiet,  just heard faint whispers. I walked past my parents' room and heard them whispering about packages and money and being tapped and stuff like that, but my 10 year old self didn't think much of it yknow? Well, I should've. The next day I get home from school to see cop cars around our house, and my dad being pushed into a police car with his hands cuffed behind his back. 

I'd never cried so much in my life. 

It was numb and solemn for a week after that event, and my mom was acting strange. One night  I caught her pulling out blocks of powder from our storm shelter. She opened a bag and took a bit out, put it on the table...started snorting it. It was cocaine. Overtime she became an abusive crackhead. I eventually caved and called the cops on her too. Never saw her again. And I don't want to, at least I don't think I do.

I was in an orphanage for a while after that...till I was 15. And I guess my orphanage sucked ass because they let a crackhead adopt me...so I stayed for the first 3 visits from the social worker or whatever, then I ran away. He didn't even come looking for me. I uh...I explained everything to Jack and Lou...and they helped me. I uh...I live in this treehouse that the three of us renovated, it has electricity and everything. But um, I needed to make money. No places would hire me at the time--runaway kid with more piercings than they had zeros in their bank account--so I ended up turning to what surrounded a majority of my life, the drug industry. 

I don't want you to pity me, or to tell me it's okay because it's not. What I'm doing is dangerous and horrible and now that I've told you, you have a risk of getting hurt. And you're someone I can't lose. But I had to run the risk of telling you, otherwise I'd really end up losing you." 

His eyes meet mine, and they twinkle.

"Tay...I don't pity you. Okay? I do feel bad about your past, but not it's a sad tale, but because you never felt you could tell me. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way, and I know you were trying to protect me but that was something that I really should've know from the get go."

His tone of disappointment is enough to make me break the eye contact and look over to my right, trying to swallow the huge lump of guilt, shame, and sadness down without seeming obviously hurt. 

A soft hand caresses my bicep, and in the softest whisper, he whispers, "It's okay to cry." Tears run down my cheeks and I sit him up properly so I can hug him. His legs wrap around my waist and my arms link behind his broader frame. I let a few small sobs out, but then I refuse to let anymore out, lying to him and saying "I'm okay now, yeah I swear, I'm fine." 

"But Tay-"

"I promise Princess,"

He smiles and nuzzles his head into my neck. 

"But this is serious business, and you're gonna have to learn the tricks of the trade to stay safe,"

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xx sam