✦Joshler✦: He's A Butcher With A Smile

Just Friends

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."—Elbert Hubbard

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My hands were shaking violently as I gripped the microphone.
I tried to convince myself it was simply because my hands were sweaty and I didn't want it to slip out of my grasp.
The truth, however, was that I was terrified.

I should be used to the blinding lights and crowds of people screaming for us; people that wait all day just to hear what we create.
But every time I hop on the stage, I am still just as surprised.
I never thought anyone would actually think I was good at what I do.

I forced myself to focus on the lyrics I sang:

"Don't you test me though,
just because I play the piano,
'doesn't mean I'm,
I'm not willing to take you down..."
I glanced at josh who was intently hitting his drums, hoping to make eye contact.

My best friend's eyes were stunning and honestly, captivating. The kind of eyes that you can stare into for eternity and get lost in, without even wondering where the time went.
Unfortunately, didn't notice my longing-full ogles in his direction.

I then jogged over to the piano before we started the beginning to Ride, pausing for a minute.
Suddenly,  I was slamming my fingers down to form chords as josh played along, almost as if I was programmed to do so.

I thought about how talented Josh was, and how he was full of passion for his music.
He lived and breathed those drums.

For a moment I wished he would look at me the way he looked at his drums, but I quickly shook the thought away.
I had no idea why such odd things like this popped into my head, or why they made me feel so tingly inside. It was probably just my stupid subconscious.

Soon the concert came to an end, and josh and I took a bow as the crowd howled and jumped. "We are twenty one pilots and so are you! Thank you and goodnight!"
I smiled as josh waved.

We walked off of the stage, a crew worker handing each of us an ice-cold water bottle. I gratefully gulped down mouthfuls, wiping my forehead with my arm as I snuck a glance at Josh. There was the occasional 'nice job's from employees and random people who passed us backstage.

"You did great Tyler," Josh patted my shoulder and smirked, then ran his fingers through his bright red hair. It sent a shiver through my bones, and I blushed.

'Damnit Tyler, stop admiring. He's your best friend', I told myself, which was becoming a frequent reminder.
He must've saw the nervous expression on my face, because he said again,"You really did," although that's not what I was feeling anxious about.

I usually felt self conscious after a performance, but Josh always reassures me and makes me feel better. He's an awesome friend, and would be an awesome boyfriend to whoever he dated next.

Just as I was about to say the same to him, Jenna ran up and gave me a forceful hug, causing me to stagger back a bit.
She looked into my eyes before standing on her tip toes to give me a kiss, our lips moving together softly.

I pulled away first, my immediate reaction being to inspect Josh's face. He seemed a little down all of the sudden, but I assumed it was just because he was tired after the long performance.

"You did amazing, as always, babe," Jenna whispered with a grin.
I faked a smile back.

I haven't felt very good about me and Jenna's relationship lately. She's my wife, so I hated to think it, but it was true. She was gorgeous, and kind, and smart, and basically the perfect wife.
But there just wasn't the spark that was there when we first started dating.

"Thanks," I replied quietly, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.
Jenna ran a hand down my arm to get my attention.
"You seemed a bit out of it though. You ok?" her expression turned to concern.

The feeling of insecurity scratched it's way back, wondering if I actually looked weird onstage. Could the audience tell I was nervous?

"I didn't notice anything," Josh butted in, again making me feel better. I mumbled an, "I'm fine Jenna," and rubbed the back of my neck.
"Good," She giggled and took my hand in hers.

I then realized how our hands felt together– not right, but rather like two puzzle pieces trying to fit when they simply couldn't.
Though, I doubted that's what she thought about it.

My hands fidgeted and tried to wiggle out of the tight hold, wanting to escape. Why did I want to escape?
"Uh, you're gunna get the black makeup on you," I pointed out, letting go of her hand and peeking at Josh yet again.

Jenna looked slightly hurt and confused by it.
"I'll just wait for you in the tour bus," she gave me one last half-hearted kiss on the cheek before scampering away.
Now it was just me and Josh.

"That concert was sick. I still can't believe all if this," I made conversation, looking around at the giant auditorium of people making their way out. "Yeah, it's crazy. And it's only possible because of what a good singer you are," Josh replied bashfully.

I knew I was blushing, feeling warm in my stomach.
"I think we all know you're the talented one," I admitted as we began walking towards the dressing room. He shook his head.
"No way man."

Something about him made me get butterflies, as people like to say. But in my opinion, butterflies are far too delicate and harmless to be what flutter inside of a nervous wreck like me. These are skin eating worms that wiggle around and intertwine with my organs, making me feel weak and light headed...
Yet, I wouldn't dare exterminate the bugs that make me feel this way.

And you know when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, your heart gains momentum, and your stomach knots up in a way that feels so perfect that you think the knot should stay there permanently?
Well, that's how it was with him.

I was terrified of what the feeling might mean. We'd been friends forever, and I'd always felt it, but it's been getting stronger and stronger with each day I spend with him.

"Wanna grab some Taco Bell?" Josh asked after we made it to the dressing room. I tried not to think about what had been circling in my mind for the majority of the night, and instead focused on the suggestion of food.
"Sure,"I replied.

I peered at Josh out of the corner of my eye, watching as he lifted his shirt over his head and revealed his muscular torso.
Now I could also see his low hanging pants, and faint six pack. His hip bones were more distinct in the dim lighting, making it hard not to stare. I let out a small gasp, hoping he didn't hear it.

I've seen Josh practically naked before, but he never fails to take my breath away. You know, in a completely platonic way.

We're just friends.
Only friends!

...I think.