"The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down."
—Unknown
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I woke up when the bus came to an abrupt halt, probably for gas. I opened my eyes to find Josh's arms around me, his body spooning mine.
And I liked it. I had to take it in for a moment, and imagine that we could stay like this forever. The sleep I'd gotten last night, with Josh's body pressed against mine, was peaceful.
It was confusing to think about.
My brain fully awoke and I shot up, looking around to see where Jenna was. Josh's eyes fluttered open soon after, and he stretched with a yawn.
"Dude..." I tried to maintain a steady voice, focusing my eyes on him. He sat up too.
"Sorry Tyler I didn't mean to like, snuggle you," Josh rolled out of the bed, practically falling on the bus's floor.
"Um, it's fine. Thanks for, y-you know, comforting me last night," I stumbled over my words, taking a deep breath.
"No problem," he stood straighter, pretending to examine his surroundings to avoid my eyes.
Jenna, with her perfect timing, walked in and caused the tension to rise.
"Hey Josh. Hey babe," she greeted before rushing over to squeeze in next to me where Josh had been, snacks in hand. It felt wrong to me that I'd replaced her last night, letting someone else lay where she was supposed to be.
"Sorry I didn't join you yesterday, I fell asleep on the couch," she apologized, handing me a bag of chips and turning my face for a kiss.
I let out a breath of relief that she hadn't seen me and Josh this morning, and way that we were. "It's ok," I leaned forward forcing myself to peck her on the cheek.
"Well I'd better get ready for today," I said, wishing I could disappear from the awkward situation. Jenna pouted.
"I thought maybe we could spend some time together this morning. You know, have some breakfast and take some selfies," she urged me to stay put. I didn't want to disappoint her, but I really just needed to be alone; or with Josh, to figure things out.
"I'd love to, I really would. But we have a lot of preparing for the next show to do," I lied, trying to sound convincing. She huffed, chewing on the inside of her cheek.
"Ok, then maybe tomorrow?" she suggested with a frown, letting me get out of the bed. "Definitely," I said, standing next to Josh where he'd been the third wheel. Jenna cleared her throat and exited the room.
Once she'd left, Josh began to speak.
"Ty, if you don't mind me asking, why does it seem like you're kind of..." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Never mind," he shook his head, dismissing whatever it was he wanted to say.
"No, tell me," I turned to face him, curious.
He bit the inside of his cheek in thought.
"Why are you distancing yourself from Jenna?" Josh asked, obviously trying not to offend me.
Honestly, I knew why and I was too afraid to even think it, let alone tell him. I felt angry with myself, and angry at him for making me feel this way. So I didn't want to talk about it, not to him; not to anyone.
"Mind your own business," I snapped, pushing past him, which made him stumble back a step or two.
"Tyler, I wasn't trying to be mean or anything," Josh tried to say sorry, a horrified expression on his face as if he'd made a huge mistake. I didn't let him finish before I stormed out of the bus altogether.
I knew it was an overreaction, and I instantly felt awful for making josh feel bad.
It was my only defense mechanism against the truth. Which I still wasn't ready to admit.
YOU ARE READING
✦Joshler✦: He's A Butcher With A Smile
Fanfiction"Best friend not boyfriend. Best friend not boyfriend," Tyler repeats to himself endlessly. He can't feel this way about his best friend, and he wouldn't let himself. But Tyler should know better than anyone; you can't hide from love. Especially w...
