Sorry, I Love You!

24. I do.

Song of the chapter// Be my forever by Christina Perri feat. Ed Sheeran

Eugene Hansen's POV....

Relief.

That was what I was feeling right now. Sharing about my mother's grief was the last thing I thought I would do in my life but I proved myself wrong when I disclosed the burden of pain I had in me to Abigail. I did what I hadn't done till now in front of anyone.

I cried. I cried on her shoulder and she let me on. Unlike other people, she instead encouraged me to let it all out; all the anger, frustration and pain I had buried in my heart against my dad for betraying my mother and against my mother who did not think of me when she killed herself – and I let it out.

I felt like a ton of weight had lifted off my shoulder. Yea, the sadness and pain still lingered but it was a lot less than earlier. Who knew that the quote sharing your grief makes you feel better was actually correct. After my heart to heart with Abigail, I quickly got off to bring her the clothes I had left in the laundry room. I left the room to give her the privacy to change into her clothes while I let myself think over the things that happened just an hour ago.

I couldn't believe I listened to her and poured my heart out. I admit it made me feel a lot better but it also scared the shit out of me as I realized the strength of Abigail's hold on my life. She was beginning to be the air I needed to breathe to stay alive. She was beginning to be my oxygen. Was that a good thing or bad?

I still remembered the day Abigail asked me that question 'Do you trust yourself enough that you won't hurt me?'  That question literally made me question myself. She was right. I couldn't trust myself. No matter what I was my father's son.

I had his blood running through my veins and sooner or later I might turn into him. I might as well hurt the woman in my life like my father hurt my mother. Deep down I knew I wouldn't do that but I couldn't keep these thought from crawling back to my mind to haunt me each day of my life.

I knew I wouldn't do what my father did. I wouldn't repeat his mistakes but there were so many what ifs that always made me have second thoughts to my decision over Abigail. What if there's a part of my father inside me and I would hurt Abigail?

She had already gone through many problems in her life and I didn't want to add another misery in her list. I didn't want to hurt her. I admit I had hurt girls before but they had it coming and I might sound a brat about it but I didn't feel any guilt about them. They knew what they were getting into but Abigail – she was different. She was innocent like the newly grown bud of a flower. She was delicate and fragile that needed to be taken care of and protected.

There's no doubt I wanted to be that person in her life but before that I needed to get rid of these self-doubts on me. I needed to trust myself completely in order to earn on her trust in me. She was right – trust was earned and for that I would do anything in my power.

After she got changed, we took off for Jed's house and I dropped her off. Just when she was about to walk out of the car, she stopped and tilted her head to the side and looked at me. The words she told me confirmed that I hadn't made any mistake by telling her the most important part of my life.

"I comprehend your feeling, Eugene. I won't tell you that the pain will go away because you and I both know that it won't. The pain will always be there, no matter what we do to get rid of it but the irony is that we learn to live with it." She told me, her voice grim and face solemn then a soft smile tugged across her lips. "But, I can assure you of one thing. Whenever you think that the pain is too much, you can always count on me. I will just be a call away. All you have to do is pick up the device and punch my number in it."