Kilgrave's Joy

4- Aka Alive

"How was your dinner?" Kilgrave asked as I put down my napkin.
Horrible. I wanted to say, but what good would that do. "Lovely, thank you." He was sat back drinking his Chardonnay, a personal favourite of his.
"Good." I'm surprised he didn't ask me to speak honestly, I could tell he knew I wasn't telling the truth.
The restaurant we were at was an Italian restaurant, decorated in the typical 'New York/ Italian' style that was popular back in England. Red cushioned booths and cliché American decor, this place wasn't somewhere I thought Kilgrave would usually go, but then again that's probably why we were here sat near the back, there was less chance of him being seen.
"What would you like to do now?" Kilgrave asked.
Run. Immediately crossed my mind, but all he needed to do was say one word. "I don't mind." I shrugged my shoulders, taking a drink of the Chardonnay that the waiter had poured for me. It wasn't my favourite alcoholic beverage, but this bottle wasn't bad tasting. The more I drink it, the more I could stomach being in Kilgrave's company. I grabbed the bottle and poured the last of it into my glass.
"We could go to a bar, you seem to be enjoying the alcohol." Kilgrave leaned over and took the bottle from my grasp, dropping it on the floor. The bottle smashed, shards of glass spreading along the tiles on the ground.
"What the hell did you do that for." I pushed my chair back, standing up in protest.
"Sit down." He commanded, and sure enough my body followed.
"I need to pee." I spat.
"Tough, you can go later. Let's go, we're going for a walk." I could tell Kilgrave was getting tired of me, but somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew he needed me. That's why he hadn't gotten rid of me yet, like he told me he had done when he got bored with the women in his past.
"You're such a control freak." I retorted, standing up to leave with him. My mind filled with his words, my own thoughts struggled to string together.
"Hah. Come, Amanda. Hold my hand." I reached out to his outstretched hand without hesitation. I was losing the will to fight this battle, he got everything he wanted from me and I was tired of that, but I didn't have the power to do anything about it.

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Jessica had been in this restaurant for too long. Joy was obviously on a date with a man, but she had been unable to see his face since they had arrived.
"Miss, if you're not going to buy anything I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The waiter approached Jessica with caution.
"Yeah, I know." Jessica agreed, she had been sat looking at the menu for almost an hour now, but she couldn't face ordering Italian, she despised the stuff because of Kilgrave. She was annoyed that he still had some sort of hold on her, even in death. Trish had told her to see someone about it, but the method she had been taught last time worked when the panic attacks appeared.
Her mind fogged as a commotion was happening towards the direction Joy was in, but due to the waiter asking her leave, she couldn't see.
Okay, okay, I'm gone." Jones protested, seeing Joy leave with the man, holding hands. Her eyes narrowed as she tried to see the profile of the mysterious man Joy was on her date with, he looked all to familiar.
"Killgrave" The words left her mouth, and when his name was mentioned, the waiter stood next to her grabbed the steak knife on the table.
"Hello, Jessica." He said, before plunging the knife into his neck. The waiter fell the the floor, screams from horrified customers filled the air.
Kilgrave was alive.

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"Isn't this nice?" Kilgrave was still holding my hand, and we were still walking through Central Park.
"It would be if I actually liked you." I glanced at him, but he wasn't even phased at what I said.
"Oh please. That night was the best night you'd ever had, admit it."
"It was." I admitted, but it was the truth. "But that was a year ago, before you became the monster I know you to be now." We stopped, not too far from my apartment.
"Monster? I am what I am because of my parents." His hardened eyes exuded the dark aura I've come to despise.
"That's what you say everytime. They may have made you able to suggest people with enhanced brain power, but it was you that learnt how to manipulate and control people. You could do good, but instead you chose to be abusive." Kilgrave released my hand, turning to me.
"How dare you. I've given you everything you ever wanted."
"No, you haven't. I never wanted to come with you to New York, but I adjusted. I only stay by your side because you command me to. I don't even know why you need me. Something at the back of my mind tells me I do, so my only guess is that you don't want me to know something. I can't do this anymore." Tears welled in my eyes, I felt a weight off my shoulders for saying that.
"That was, unexpected." Kilgrave leaned forward, his fingers guiding my lips to his.
"No." I pulled back. "You don't get it, do you? I don't like you. I hate you!" I sat down on the bench. "What do you want from me?" I practically yelled.
"I want you to fall in love with me." He admitted, taking a step forward.
"Well, you sure are going about it the wrong way." I retorted. "Why would I ever love you?" Stunned, Kilgrave was silenced.
"I- I'm sorry." I couldn't help to apologise. Even though he had done things I could never forgive him for, he didn't deserve that.
"No. I am. I told myself that I would earn this, and I haven't." He replied. It was very out of character for him to apologise at all.
"Let's go home." I suggested.

The walk back was awkward, and silent. When we arrived at my apartment, we both sat down on the same sofa, the only sound being the muffled sounds of the city, just another Tuesday night in New York.
"So." I said, braking the silence. "I'm going to quit the hospital."
"What?" Kilgrave looked at me, something was off with him, he hadn't touched me once on the walk home, and was giving me my personal space in the apartment he bought me.
"Yeah. The hospital isn't where I belong. I don't know what I'll do yet, but-"
"You don't have to do anything, just stay with me." He said sincerely. I looked up into his eyes. The eyes I saw were the eyes of a scared little boy. He was scared of being alone.
"I- I don't know if I can." I looked away, butterflies whirring in my belly. My emotions were all over the place, my hate and disgust for the Kilgrave I knew being combined with the lust and raw emotion I felt the night I met him in England. "I can't be controlled anymore, I don't know if I can't take it." I turned to him, the emotion in his eyes raw and as visible as the sun, his walls were down. The real Kilgrave was nothing like I imagined him to truly be, he was nothing like the sadistic man I knew, the one that had controlled and abused me.
"But I believe that everyone deserves the chance to be happy." I put my hand on his knee, smiling. His gaze followed to my hand, placing his hand on top.
"Kiss me." He said. My eyes widened, he was still controlling me. "But only if you want to." I paused, hesitating.
"Yes." I replied, living this precious moment where I could be myself, and Kilgrave was, well, not Kilgrave.
His hand pulled my lips to his, and lust burst out of my brain, filling my lungs with a lack of air. My brain was screaming at me, torn, but my body didn't care, in that moment, I wanted Kilgrave.
He pushed me down, his legs straddling mine as the force of his kiss increased. His hands reached for my shirt, pulling it apart. Buttons flew everywhere, but we were too involved to care. He held my hands above my head, his kisses moving down to my neck. My head lifted as I closed my eyes, my groin rubbing against his in pleasure. All of a sudden he stopped, and I opened them to see him hovering above me. His eyes were asking me for permission, but he didn't seem to have the words. I gripped the hand holding my arms above my head, lifting my head to touch his forehead.
"Yes."