South Shields

Chapter 18

- JADE -

What the fuck?

Perrie told me she had never dated anybody before, and now she has met a guy on the internet? How the hell did that happen?

I don't know if I feel angry or sad. I'm not happy. It hasn't been too long since I told her I was into her, like, more than a friend, and here she is telling me she has met somebody else. Or, not met in real life, but will meet.

I don't know how I look, but when I meet Perrie's eyes, she looks confused. Maybe she is. It seemed like she had trouble telling me.

"And why, exactly, are you telling me this?" I finally ask her.

"I thought you'd want to know... I figured, since we said we'd start over as friends we could tell each other stuff like this..." she explains.

"But Perrie..." I try to stay calm. "It was only been like a week since I told you I like you. Like, like you..." I don't really get it. Why does she go to me and tell her this?

"I just wanted everything to be normal, I-" she begins, but I interrupt.

"And I clearly told you I wanted to take things slow!"

She seems to have trouble staying calm now.

"I came here to tell you the truth!" she shouts as she stands to her feet. "I thought you'd be happy for me since you're my friend!"

"I don't even recognize you, Perrie!" It's true, sort of. "You've changed since the party and I don't know what happened."

"Jade!" she seems surprised or something like that. "You didn't even know me before that party! We had never met!"

"But since I got to know you, you've become someone else." I tell her. I feel like I'm losing this discussion.

"You can't say that Jade! You can't say that I'm changed into someone else when you have no idea of who I was before." Perrie looks done. Shee will run out of here in any second.

And I'm right.

She looks at me, disappointed, and walks out of the kitchen. I don't try to stop her. She's pissed and I'm the reason.

Fuck.

- PERRIE -

Jade is such a prick. How can she even state something like that? That I'm different now compared to when she didn't even know me? What?

I'm sick of this, I'm sick of it all. I'm going to meet Lucas, probably have a good time, and then continue to talk to him. I won't care about what Jade thinks, since she's not me.

God, she's difficult to be friends with.

I'm back home, and when I walk through the unlocked front door I collapse on the floor. I feel like crying, so I do. I let the tears fall down my cheeks, and I don't care about mom shouting "Hello!" from the kitchen. I wipe the tears away with the back of my hands, but there's new ones falling down.

I don't really know why I'm crying, since I don't feel sad. I just feel empty, in some strange way.

"Honey?" mom asks as she walks into the hallway. "Honey, whats wrong?" She sounds worried, like I'm twelve.

"Go away." I mutter.

"Are you okay?" she asks, and she annoys me.

"I said go away." I tell her with a clearer voice.

"What happened?"

"I said go away!" I shout in her face.

"Okay..." When I meet her eyes she looks hurt.

"I want to be alone." I explain and look at my feet again.

"I'm just worried. What happened?"

"I'm fine, and I'm not twelve years old..." I mutter, again.

"Okay." she doesn't sound hurt anymore. More like, annoyed. "If you feel like you don't need my help anymore, you could always move out of this house." 

"I will, mom. I'm searching for an apartment already."

"Maybe you should search faster if you don't appreciate my effort to help you out."

I meet her eyes. She looks dead serious, and I worry. Is she saying she doesn't want me to stay?

"What do you want to say?" I ask, confused.

"I'm saying you can move out if you're not grateful with everything I do for you. Everyday I'm cooking dinner and washing your clothes."

I don't respond, so she continues.

"You used to help me, but during the last weeks you've been stuck in your room all day. You're not yourself, Perrie."

"I'm not myself because I don't help you cooking and doing the laundry?" I ask.

"No."

"What is it then?"

"Can't you see, Perrie? Can't you see that you've changed into someone else?!" she's angry. I can both hear it in her voice and see it in her eyes. I'm angry too, and I hope she can see it in my face. Now it's time to tell her what I've felt for a year.

"I haven't changed, I've grown up!" I scream. Maybe that's a little too much, but I need to let all anger towards her out.

"You treat me like I'm a child and I can't do anything that a eighteen year-old girl can do! You don't let me go to parties, and you don't allow me to be out after eleven! What kind of fucing rules are that?!"

"Perrie, you do not curse in th-"

"Fuck that!" I scream, just to annoy her even more. "I've held all these feelings in, just because you're my mother. I wanted you to be happy with me, just like you are with Jonnie. He's so good because he has started his family life, and I'm the little girl because I haven't. You are the one who have prevented me from living the life I want and deserve! I don't deserve to be stuck in this house for my entire life!" I finish and run upstairs.

My monologue might have been a little childish and wimpy, but I don't fucking care. I needed to let all those words out, and I feel much better. I don't even feel sorry for hurting her. She's the one who have made me the person I am, and then I mean the girl that attended her first party at the age of 20. That's not okay.

I run into my room and put my armchair in front of the door. She won't get in here. Not today.

For a few minutes I sit down on the bed to process what just happened. What happened with Jade and what happened with mom.

Then, I decide to go onto Facebook and see if Lucas is online. He isn't, but Alex is.

Perrie:

Hi, Alex! :), I write and send it. A few seconds later she responds.

Alex:

Hey babe!

Alex:

How are you doin?

Well, how am I doing? Fine, I guess.

Perrie:

I'm fine, hbu?

We chat for a while, and then I watch a movie. I don't go out from my room until midnight when I need to pee. Mom is sleeping, so I decide I'll go downstairs to make a sandwich as dinner. I'm starving.

It feels like this day has been going on for forever, but maybe that's because so much have happened. I'm used to being stuck here doing nothing, because of my mother.

I need to get away, and I need to get away quickly.