South Shields

Chapter 22

- PERRIE -

"I'm just fine, thanks." I answer Lucas' question. My voice feels shaky, and I try hard to get rid of my nervousness. My hands are shaking and they're sweaty. Why did I agree to this?

"How are you?" Before Lucas answers my question he leans in for a hug. I barely know what to do with my arms, but I try to wrap them around his neck as natural as I can.

Gosh, I'm so embarrassing! I act like a fifteen year old and I have to stop...

"I'm great! Everything's good." Lucas answers with a big smile. I smile back at him.

For a moment we stand there in silence, looking each other in the eyes. It doesn't feel awkward as it probably should, but kind of nice. He has really beautiful eyes, and I don't think I'll get tired of looking at them.

"So... What should we do?" I ask him to break the silence.

"I thought I could show you the city, and then we could eat some lunch. How about that?"

"That sounds very good to me." I answer, and I can't help but smile. It's something with Lucas that gives me butterflies in my stomach, and I like it.

- JADE -

"Jesy... Do you think Perrie will have a good time with him?" I ask my sister as we make lunch. I can't stand the thought of Perrie holding hands with that guy, not since I wish it would be me.

"Yeah, I do." Jesy answers. Instantly, my shoulders drop and I feel a lump in my stomach. That's not the answer I wanted to hear. Jesy notices my reaction, and sighs.

"Oh, come on Jade! You can't sit here and complain about this! You don't fight for her, and she's not doing anything wrong by going on a date with another person. She told you what she felt, and you have to move on if you won't fight to make her feel like you do."

I just look at Jesy, knowing she speaks the truth. I don't want to accept that, though. I don't want to fight anymore, because it feels like I've already fought enough. Maybe I haven't? Either way, I know I can't prevent Perrie from falling in love with somebody else. It's just... It doesn't feel right.

"I have fought..." I sigh.

"Clearly, that's not enough!" Jesy seems annoyed. "Jade, you have to show her what you feel for her and you have to know that she notices it."

"How?"

"I don't know, buy her a present, give her a hug, share the last piece of cake... I don't know! But I know you have to do something. Everything you're doing right now is feeling sorry for yourself when you are the one who have put yourself in this position."

I let Jesy's words sink in. I think she's right. Or; I know she's right. The only problem is that I don't feel like I have the strenght. My feelings are real, I know that. They should be my motivation, but somehow it feels like there will be no use of giving her all of this. She has already decided that she will move on from me, and I will have to remember the few times we did something romantic together. Like that kiss at the party... It was fucking perfect. Her lips were warm and soft, and I felt so happy.

That's the problem. All the happiness that I've felt the last few months has come from her and her actions. She has been like a light. Everyone in this town has been and still is hating me, but when she came around none of their opinions mattered anymore. Perrie made me feel like a real person, because she didn't value my sexuality. She accepted me from the first second we met. That makes me feel connected to her, and I don't want that to disappear.

I've got a struggle, and I don't know how to battle it.

- PERRIE -

"So, you sing..." I begin the conversation again.

Lucas and I are on a resturant at the outskirts of Middlesbeough. He thought he could show me more things around here if we took the car. He showed me the beautiful nature and the city. Since it's a pretty small city, there weren't that much more to show. Instead, we just drove around and listened to music in the car. After about an hour, we thought it was time for lunch, and Lucas drove us here. The restaurant is very nice, cozy and fairly quiet. The food was delicious, and now we've gotten to the dessert. I chose a chocolate mousse with strawberries, and Lucas took three types of ice cream in a bowl.

"Well, not professionally. I just like to play the guitar or the piano and sing." 

"Oh! So you play instruments. That's cool. I can't play anything, only the triangle." I laugh and Lucas joins.

The nervousness is more or less gone by now, and I am so thankful for that. I don't know I could've handled the situation if I would've been nervous all the time.

Lucas is a really nice guy. He has been very kind and positive so far, and I really like that. Also, I don't complain about his looks. He dresses like a model and his smile is gorgeous.

"Well, during my childhood I took lessons in piano, and the guitar wasn't that hard to learn on my own. I'm sure you could learn it too someday."

"Yeah, maybe." I simply answer. Then it's quiet. It gets quiet a lot when I'm with Lucas. It's not awkward, but relaxing. I don't know what it is with the silence that makes it bearable.

My eyes meet Lucas' and I smile. I feel happy right now. It feels simple to be with him, and I'm very happy that we've got the entire day left to hang out.