Leah moves around the food and wine her father gave her to take home. When she's sure they won't make a mess, she closes the trunk of her car and turns back to face the house.
Her father stands in the doorway, as well as Samantha and James. They watch as Leah and Chris finish preparing to leave. It's already five o'clock in the afternoon, and the fun was beginning to fade. Riley left already, having about three other parties to appear at for this Christmas.
Leah waves good-bye. After they wave back, she walks to the driver's side of the car, holding her breath for an awkward ride home with Chris. She smiles at them one last time, then opens the door and slides inside.
Chris enters the other side, clicking his seat belt in with silence. He stares out the windshield.
She looks at him and wants to say something, craves for the end of this uncomfortable silence. She knows she hurt him. He doesn't even have to say it for her to know. But for him to say something is what she needs right now, even if there isn't anything to make this even the slightest bit better. But, judging by the look on his face, she decides to remain quiet and let the car ride heal him (if he even can be healed).
The ride home isn't as awkward as Leah thought. It's worse. The silence seems to be bursting her ears, and it forces her to think about everything that happened in the past two days.
Two days, she thinks. How was so much destruction able to occur in the course of two damn days? Why couldn't it stretch itself over a long period of time? I would've been able to handle better if that were the case. But, no. It just had to happen on what's supposed to be the happiest day of the year. I'm a good girl. I'm kind. I've never disrespected anyone unless they were being unnecessarily mean to me. What did I do to deserve this? Is it because I never helped old ladies cross streets? I'm afraid of crossing streets! I can't help it! The old ladies would be safer crossing the street by themselves!
She looks over at Chris, whose eyes are closed and is relaxed with deep, quiet, even breaths. She's been waiting for something to be said since they got in the car at her father's house, but he's been nothing but silent. He hasn't even looked at her. He's just kept to his side of the car, wrapping himself in his own little world.
God, I screwed up. I screwed up so badly. He confessed love to me. He let me know of his true feelings for me. He opened up to me. So what did I do? I went and had sex with Robert, not even bothering to think if he would hear me. It's like I threw it in his face. It probably looks like I meant to do that to him. Even my own father heard me. When he's talking, he's louder than anyone. That's saying something if he comments on a 'surprising scream'. Crap. What have I done.
I stare at the road, covered with a layer of wet, melted snow mixed with special salt. There are tracks of other passing cars in the gray slush of mud and water. Not many have come by, because there are only a few tracks on the ground. I slow as the light not too far ahead of me appears to be yellow. I was hoping to make it past in time, but I'm forced to come to a stop as the light turns bright red. I wait for my turn to go, even though there are absolutely no other cars near me.
But why am I hating myself? Robert asked me out. Robert took me on dates and showed real care for me. Chris was sitting around hating me and wishing he could just leave already. Robert made a move way before Chris did. I mean, it was sort of a blind date at first, but he made a move to keep taking me out to have fun. Chris could've at least tried to let me know a little bit of how he felt about me rather than ignore me. He's to blame here. If I had known earlier, we wouldn't be in this position. It would've been Chris going out with me, Chris kissing me, maybe even Chris sleeping with me. It's his fault. I shouldn't be held responsible for the predicament I'm in. It's not my fault I'm trying to find love in the man that had me first....
