Love used to be just a word | Draco Malfoy

- FIFTEEN -

7th of October, 1997

After a dreading Potions class, I was on my way outside for a change of scenery. Don't get me wrong, I love the library at Hogwarts – it just gets annoying when you're always alone inside a dusty old room.

The moment I stepped outside I bumped into someone. I sure have a habit of bumping into people. I thought as I looked up into a pair of familiar grey eyes. "Malfoy..." his last name rolled over my lips a little surprised as we both took an awkward step away from each other. It somehow seemed more appropriate, although people were still convinced that we were dating. The fact was; however, we weren't.

Besides, we hadn't spoken after he had stormed out of the library yesterday. "I see you didn't blow your face off," Malfoy casually remarked before moving past me. I saw his back retreating inside before I could even untangle the web of words inside my head.

How did he know I just got back from my Potions class? It seemed unlikely he knew my timetable, but I was fairly sure that I hadn't told him when my next Potions class was when he helped me out.

This day was going to be hell without any more drama and I decided against following after him. Tonight was the night I was going to tell Ginny what happened. Or, what sort of happened. I still hadn't really decided yet. I didn't even want to think about the kiss Harry and I shared back at The Burrow before he went on his quest with Hermione and Ron.

xxxxx

Fidgeting nervously with my hands I pretended to read a book in the Gryffindor Common Room. About halfway through I found out I'd been holding the book upside down, that's how much I was actually paying attention.

It was getting quite late and I tried my hardest not to shoot agitated glances towards Ginny. Eventually the last person left for bed and it was just the two of us. She must've sensed I wanted to talk to her, because she'd usually chat happily with the other Gryffindors. This evening, however, she'd hardly spoken a word and just indulged herself in her homework.

The tension in the room was obvious to both of us, but neither of us broke the silence yet. The letter I got from Harry was quite vague, but it was obvious enough something had happened between the two of us. But how do you tell a good friend that her boyfriend – and my best friend – kissed you?

Some things are really better left unsaid, I knew that much. Not because it was either a good or bad thing that happened, but because I know Harry hadn't meant anything by it. At least, not really. He'd made up his mind that he was going to leave me behind beforehand. This was probably his way of coping that it might've been the last time we'd see each other alive. I knew he loved Ginny.

"He pushed me away," I finally decided, and I broke the deafening silence. Ginny hardly moved an inch, but by the way her hand stopped writing I knew she was listening. "I tried to kiss him, which I shouldn't have done in the first place. I'm really sorry. Harry pushed me away because he's in love with you. I just want you to know that."

Maybe it wasn't fair. Maybe I should've told her the truth. The fact was, I couldn't. I was hated enough as is, so it didn't matter much anymore. I just didn't want her – or anyone else for that matter – to hate my best friend. After I said what I wanted to say, I grabbed my stuff – it was time to get some sleep.

As I headed towards the girl's dormitories, however, I heard her voice. "I'm not stupid, Elizabeth," there was a fierceness in her voice I hadn't heard before and my head snapped back to hers. For the first time in days she stared directly in my eyes, but I never let my façade waver for even a second. "If you'd been the one kissing him, you wouldn't be hooking up with a bloody Death Eater," she was disgusted – couldn't even say the word Malfoy anymore. A small smile formed on my lips, not skipping a beat before answering;

"What better revenge would there be?"

xxxxx

8th of October, 1997

The next morning, I knew I made a huge – no actually, immense – mistake. Sometimes I wish I was less cocky and chose my words more carefully, but that just simply wasn't me.

"Have you heard?" "Everyone has heard, Seamus."

Those were the first dreading words I heard when I took my place on the utter left side of the Gryffindor table for breakfast. From all directions in the Great Hall I felt eyes burning on my figure.

When I walked towards my first class of the day – Alchemy – the whispers seemed to follow me around. The Slytherin Prince got played by a Gryffindor. That sentence alone was enough to make me feel queasy inside.

I hadn't thought about the side-effects my little lie would produce. People were convinced I'd only used Malfoy. It wasn't like that at all, but it was my own fault that people believed the rumors. Ginny didn't seem like the person to blab to other people what I'd said, but I've been wrong before. I wish I could blame her, but she was convinced I was the one who kissed her boyfriend, when in reality it was the other way around.

For a short few seconds I may or may not have thought that this would be the easy way out. The rumors of Malfoy and me dating eventually disappearing, getting my friends back in Gryffindor. Then again, this wouldn't fix anything – it wouldn't bring back any of my friends. The only thing the rumor did was crumble the last friendship I had on this bloody wizarding school. Draco Malfoy.

Before I even set foot in the Alchemy classroom, I decided to skip it. I didn't feel like facing anyone today and found myself wandering through the hallways towards the classroom Malfoy first took me. I opened the door, half expecting him to be there, half hoping he wasn't.

Of course, he wasn't.

Surprisingly enough disappointment was the first feeling washing over me. I wasn't sure if I was either disappointed Malfoy wasn't here, disappointed in the fact that I screwed up, or disappointed about being disappointed that I screwed up.

xxxxx

I don't know how long I'd been waiting, pacing around the room nervously. It could've been minutes, but even so it felt like hours. Suddenly the door barged open and my head snapped in its direction. Malfoy stood there, his pale skin sweaty and his breathing irregular. The panic in his eyes made my heart stop – especially as I saw his eyes roll back into his skull.

If my reflexes hadn't been as fast as they were, Malfoy would've slammed onto the ground. With the levitation charm – Wingardium Leviosa – I moved him towards the desk in the front, where he used to sit every time we'd been here together. "What in Merlin's beard..." I muttered as I checked his pulse and forehead. He felt a little warm, but not feverish. This had happened before, and I wondered what triggered these blackouts.

I didn't use Rennervate this time. I found myself just staring at Draco – this might just be the last time I could actually look at his pale skin and white-blonde hair. I only just noticed how sharp his jawline actually was, but I tried to keep myself from thinking that Malfoy was actually quite... attractive.

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing he snapped at me as he woke up. While he sat up, he checked his ears for any blood, but there was none this time. I took a step back as I tried to find the right words, but the lump in my throat made it impossible to talk. It wasn't the time to get emotional, but I could see the hurt expression behind his mask. He could hardly look me in the eye. "I got to tell-" "-What, you think I hadn't heard yet? You're a bloody moron if that's the case," his voice got louder with every word he spoke, and I felt like a small child being scolded.

"I lied," were the only two words I could muster up after the glare he gave me. Malfoy's voice was as distant as it used to be. Sharp, ice cold and even painful as he spoke before leaving the classroom;

"I don't fucking care, Blackwood. We both used each other, that's the end of it."