Love used to be just a word | Draco Malfoy

- TWO -

Harry and I have been very close friends since we met each other on the train our first year of Hogwarts. We both probably had some sort of feelings for one another, but none of us ever really acted on it. I especially tried to keep my distance from him when he got together with Ginny. Apparently I hadn't kept my distance far enough. As the train left the station my thoughts wandered back to the night before the wedding, the night before he left me here while he took Hermione and Ron with him.

xxxxx

I took a deep breath of the midnight air while looking at the stars shining overhead. I'd been staring at them for the past hour, but I knew going inside wasn't going to help me fall back asleep either. Sitting outside in the evening was the only thing that could suppress the anxious feelings I'd been having lately.

There had only been bad news for the past few weeks and I could really use something good for a change. Just to feel that the world hadn't completely fallen apart just yet.

Suddenly a figure plopped down onto the grass beside me. I turned to my left, quite surprised to see Harry. His hair was messier than usual, but it seemed like he hadn't caught any sleep yet either. We just sat there for a while, not saying a word. It felt right, peaceful.

"What do you think of Ginny?" his sudden question startled me a bit. We hadn't talked about her that much, especially not between the two of us. Not sure how to react I simply replied; "You two are great together." As you're supposed to say as a best friend. It wasn't a total lie either; the two of them fit each other nicely.

I smiled at my best friend, but when his green eyes stared into mine, it faded slowly. How did he always do that? Whenever I tried to lie to him, he would just look at me with those eyes, making it impossible for me to actually think straight. We both knew what he was waiting for me to say, but instead I stayed silent. The harder I tried to look away, the more impossible it seemed. He didn't seem to back down this time and I sighed. "You know us, Harry. We're just meant to be friends."

Harry placed his hand on top of mine and shrugged slightly. "Who said that?" he asked as he leaned in. Before I even knew what he was doing I felt his surprisingly soft, warm lips on mine. I didn't have time to return the kiss, or push him away, because he pulled away almost as fast as he'd leant in. Harry stood up and without giving me one more glance he walked back towards The Burrow. "Good night," he said, his voice laced with sadness.

xxxxx

Later I understood his voice had sounded so sad as he'd already made up his mind of leaving me behind. I'm not sure what I would've done if he'd given me a chance to react. My feelings for Harry hadn't been a total secret to him nor Hermione. I'd fantasized about kissing him about a hundred times, but when it finally happened I'm not sure I even felt anything apart from guilt.

Although Ginny and I had never been the best of friends (our mutual love for Harry being the biggest problem), I did like the girl and thought she was pretty much worth having a relationship with my best friend. Perhaps I should've told her what happened, but with everything going on it just felt wrong. I didn't want to add to her problems and the pain of finding out not only her boyfriend, but also her brother left her to finish their quest.

The train came to a halt and I was pulled out of my thoughts quite abruptly. "Well, the start of a new year at Hogwarts begins," Seamus mumbled as he opened the door of our compartment. It was a good thing I'd changed in my wizarding robes beforehand, because the time had gone by faster than I'd thought.

Everyone was ready to go, but I didn't feel like hurrying at all. All the thoughts and reminiscing made me feel a little depressed and I didn't want to bring my friends further down with my bad mood. "You guys can go ahead, see you later okay?" I grinned. "Sure, we'll see you later Ellis," Ginny answered, smiling her forever smile at me. My eyes automatically averted from her face to the window. The station slowly filled with students, the newer ones looking around anxiously. "Yeah..." I could handle a lot of things, but guilt wasn't one of them.

When everyone had already left the Hogwarts Express, I finally stood up from my seat and adjusted my wizarding robes slightly. Time to go. As I walked out of the door from the compartment, my body bumped into something tall. Or rather, someone. My first instinct was to say sorry, but I stopped myself just in time when my eyes met cold grey ones. White-blond hair matched his pale skin perfectly and from what I could remember it seemed like he had grown quite a bit taller during the summer break.

"Malfoy," was the only word that came out of my mouth. The disgust in the tone of my voice hadn't gone unnoticed by the young man in front of me, as he slightly scrunched up his nose in return.

That's when I noticed something. I saw no Crabbe on his side, no Goyle. Not even Pansy, who had formed a habit of constantly following him around. The youngest Malfoy was alone. The first thing that raced through my mind was wondering what he'd been up to. That was until my attention was drawn to his red, bloodshot eyes as if he'd been crying. The thoughts connected slowly in my head.

Draco Malfoy. Crying?

Before I knew what was happening, he'd grabbed my shoulders and slammed me against the glass of the compartment. Flashbacks from the first time we met shot through me while I glared at him. "What are you staring at, Blackwood?" he hissed through his teeth as I tried to ignore the burning pain in my back. I couldn't find the words I usually found so easily. Somewhere I felt sorry for Malfoy and I couldn't comprehend why.

"Well?!" he slammed me against the wall again, harder this time. I wrapped my hands around his upper arms, pushing him slightly away from me. "Are you okay?" the words rolled off my lips before I'd even formed them in my head and reconsidered them. There was a split second where Malfoy's face changed into an expression of pain and horror before he got himself back together.

He laughed – a little hysterical I might add – and took a step back to look at me skeptically. "Trying to hit on me, now that Potter has left you behind?" I could hear the mocking tone in his voice, but I ignored it and kept on staring in his eyes.

This seemed to tick the youngest Malfoy off even more. I could tell by the way he stood there for just a second too long before he decided to lean in, his right arm resting against the wall just above my head. His face came closer to mine and a smirk spread across his lips. There was a pang of an unfamiliar feeling running through my veins as he stared down at me, his white-blond hair falling slightly forward.

"As if I'd ever shag you," "Oh believe me, Malfoy. I'd rather shag Neville before I'd ever do you." I retorted with a smirk, getting back to my usual quick remarks. I was done caring why Malfoy cried. Not that I actually cared in the first place, but the question had rolled off my tongue before I could stop myself. "I hardly doubt if he'd do you," was his final comment before he walked off towards the exit, a chuckle escaping his lips.

Shrugging the useless discussion off, I noticed my back hurt a bit more than I expected it to do.

Well, isn't this a nice start of the school year.