Ailani of Ostham

Chapter twenty

I stare out my bed chamber window, overlooking the great landscapes of the capital. It was two days after Roma's funeral, which had been boring and drawn out, not nearly as personal as Matthew's had been. It may had been a 'royal' departure, but it was still not worthy of Roma. She deserved better than this. Her life had been short and near the end it was terrible. Her wild and cheerful spirit had been sucked out of her, and during the last few days only her shell remained.

I haven't forgiven myself over the carriage ride to her funeral. It made me sick just thinking about it. Harry has kept me sick, by never ceasing to remind me of it. Harry only has me to spend nights with now.

It was morning, and I had just recently left his chamber after another long night with him. I held my knees close to me, the furs from my bed cuddled my feet and bottom. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I didn't know what to have faith in anymore. Griffin has been gone for a month, when he had promised only two weeks. My mind is always assuming the worst, especially since that's all that's been occurring.

I had no more security without him and his blackmail towards Harry. Which leaves me with no  other choice then to do what he says. I find it hard to sleep nowadays, terrible nightmares keep me from resting. A consistent angst keeps me alert at all times.

I looked over to my book shelves, I had read a few stories in the large collection so far. I think back to one poetry book I had read in the actual library, A poet by the name of Algar had written a piece called, " Oak"

It had stuck to my mind because of the familiarity it had with The Grand Oak Tree in my life. It reminded me of the times I would sit on the tree's branches and watch the early morning fog loom through it's leaves. I would sit high above and look to the castle on top of the mountain range, and dream of living there.

I would pretend the forrest was my palace, and the trees were the towers and walls of the land I ruled. It was the happiest days of my life, and I now so longed to be a child again.

I stood out of my bed, and walked over to fetch my robe. Inserting my arms into the sleeves and straightening the robe over my night gown, I opened the door to the hallway. I walked through the quiet halls, making my way down stairs to the ground level. I passed servants, lords, and guards all polite to my passing through.

Once I reached the garden and yard entrance, my heart got a bit less heavy. I was greeted by the smell of rain and flowers. The courtyard's bushes and hedges were uniquely shaped and well groomed.

I stood at the top of descending steps to the yard, breathing in nature.

"Lovely, is it not?" rang a voice. I turned to see Lady Martha, she was sitting on a nearby bench overlooking every bush, flower, and hedge.

I sighed in response, hoping she'd not try to engage in conversation with me. But alas, not my dear Martha. She stood up from her bench, making her way to my side.

" I sometimes get sick of those stuffy walls too.." she says.

" I always feel like they are going to cave in on me, and crush me." I said taking the dark route in responding to her. Her eyebrows perked up at me, her skinny face showing amusement.

" Oh, it's not all bad child. Don't think that you live some terrible life-"

" Oh, but I do! You have no idea what I've been going thr-"

" Do not interrupt me, girl. You have no idea what I've seen before." she snapped. I looked to her in surprise, I said nothing, because I could tell she had more to say.

" You've heard the tales, the ones only old sailors tell? The classic tale of a hero fallen and is in the deepest despair of his life, he had pled for the Gods to tell him the secret to victory, only to be told that the only thing ever promised is death?" Lady Martha ranted at me. I stood silent not knowing how to respond to her.