Jalal's Diary

Jalal's Diary : Part 4

Hey Diary!

I hope you're not missing Agra too much. You shouldn't, when the place you're in, is already so beautiful. Nevertheless, we'll be returning home soon. But before that, there are a lot of adventures ahead, for me, and for you as well. And yes, speaking of Agra, let me tell you that Ammijaan visited me today.

You know what diary, I don't understand the reason behind this faade of hers. I know she doesn't love me. She never did. Or else she wouldn't have let me alone as a child. Thinking of it, I begin to hate her even more.

Diary, it is not that I hate her from the beginning. I used to love her. I used to love my Mom more than everything else, just like every child in this world does. I was only five then. Though not very clearly, but I still remember the moments I've spent with her. She's used to tell me the most awesome stories ever. Those were the best days of my life. Though we were in exile, at least I had the love of both my parents. I used to lay down in her lap at night, listen to her story, and sleep took over me as I looked up at the shining stars. I used to love her so damn much.

But what did she do to me? She left me alone to cry and go to hell. I'll hate her always for that. She took away everything I deserved. Did I not deserve my own mother's love, care, and pampering? I know there were reasons. I know she meant well. But her way of doing good to me, has not done even a bit of good to me.

And honestly speaking, she's mostly the reason I've stopped trusting people. I have stop expecting things. Once you do that, you'll be happy, I swear. And I know nobody loves me, anyway. Mostly because I am the Emperor, and everybody knows there are no friends to an emperor. Not that I need someone. It is just that, sometimes, there are things you want to say, and you want someone to listen. Anyway...you're there, right? I wish you could speak. I so wanted to hear your thoughts about me.

Oh yes, back to my Mom. So as I said, she was here this morning. For God knows what stupid reason. She just came to ask if I miss her or not. Now what kind of a stupid question was that? She very well knows what feelings I have for her. I hate these double - faced people. And she knows it. Very well. Anyway what did she expect? That I'll go and hug her and tell her how much I missed her? Uff...in her dreams, maybe.

Okay, wait. I know you're thinking what kind of a cruel creature am I? Right? Well...you are partially right. But I am not a devil, not at all. I do feel for her sometimes. Especially when I see those teary eyes of hers. They always move me. ALWAYS. You know what? This is the reason I did not face her today. You might laugh at it, but I kept my back towards her, throughout. Now you think of me as totally crazy, right? But diary, no matter what, she IS my mother. Though I won't forgive her for what she did, but I know, some corner of me, will love her forever.

Uff...I am becoming too much of a cry baby these days. Did I just write so many lines about my mum? Oh God. That is certainly not me. Leave it diary, let us move on.

By the way, do you remember that I told you one of my secret wishes few days back. I hope you do. Well, my secret wish has been fulfilled. Oh No! It wasn't something so great, but it means a lot to me.

Khan Baba himself came to meet me yesterday night. And guess what, he said that he knew I would be a great ruler in future. I was somewhat shocked at this sudden meherbaani on me. I mean he normally isn't too generous in praises. It is rather hard to get a comment from him. But then, great people speak less. But he smiled, and told me that he had been watching me from the starting, and knew that I had all the qualities of an able ruler.

And diary, though I tried hard to maintain my calm face, I was all joyous inside. Just a like a school boy is, when he is applauded. It really is an achievement for me, to get some appreciation by the one person I respect and admire so much. I was so glad to see his believe in him, and I can't express it in words. You can assume me to be on cloud nine at that moment.

And there is one thing that I noticed then. That is, Khan Baba is rarely, very rarely seen smiling. I have wondered that quite a few times, but never got the answer. He always has that serious look on his face, one which I have always tried to decipher. Trust me, diary, it is really difficult to understand what goes on behind that mask of his.

And yes, I have got a piece of secret news to share with you. See, Khan Baba is off to Jaunpur for some administrative work. And I have planned to do some exploration in his absence.

So, I'll be going to Amer. Excited, right? Well, you should be.

I have just had a glimpse of Amer, and I must say, that place is freaking awesome. The entire city is glowing with light and colors all around. I am all the more eager now. And besides, this also is a chance for me to spot that Rajkumari, who was so famous among my soldiers. Let me see how much truth lies in all those pompous and flattering descriptions of her.

And I'll tell you something. From the day I've stepped on this land, I have wanted to go and check out Amer once. That place seems to be alluring. And I don't exactly know why, but it seems to be wanting me. So okay, I'll go and meet it once.

And now, I am all set to venture out to this amazing land called Amer. You know what, I've also got a Rajputana dress made. I knew I would need it, so I had already kept it ready. Pretty smart, right? Okay, okay.

And one day, the land of Amer, in all its glory will be mine, Jalal's. I desire it. And what Jalal desires, he gets.

And don't you worry, dear diary. I'll write to you all about my trip. Every single detail, I promise. I know you'll enjoy too.

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Thanks for reading.A request to all, if you like it, please do comment. It won't take that much time, but it means a lot to me. Thank you so much.