Daily Dosage of Dysfunction

Umbrellas and Falling With Style

Umbrellas and Falling With Style

I come from a family that is vertically challenged.  Sure, there are some people that are average, but my grandmother (who is like 5 inches shorter than me) kinda screwed us over.  I love her and all, but sometimes being short sucks.

I'm probably 5' 4", if that.  I don't think I'm growing anymore. Fun.

So there are some advantages I guess. Like not having to fall as far to the ground. Taller people have a longer journey, but not me! Because I'm fucking short!

Here's a problem I have with falling, other than the fact that it hurts 73% of the time (made up statistic, by the way):

I never miss the ground.

I guess that should be a good thing.  Falling is something I'm good at and do frequently without even thinking about it.  But that's what pisses me off.  I'm so good, I never miss.

Somethings that are really embarrassing about falling are the facial expressions you have and who watches you while you fall.  I know that my eyes bluge and I look more unattractive than usual.  The worst part is having people watch you fall.  Normally I fall at the worst times.  Like if my sexy boss is watching me or I'm fighting with my sister.  It just sucks.

On to the next thing about being a shorty.

You know those umbrellas that go in the middle of patio tables for outside?  Yeah, those are a challenge for me.

Not only do I have to carry the damn thing through a freaking doorway that is too small for it, but I have to hold the heavy bugger above my head to get the pole through the hole (oh my gosh, so scandalous -_- ).

Then I have to, I mean get to open it.  Even on my toes, I can't reach high enough to put the metal stopper in the hole (again, so scandalous...) to keep the umbrella up.  Sure, I could ask someone taller than me, but that would be like admitting defeat.  I can't just give up! Once I begin, I'm invested. I have to go all the way through with it, ignoring the snickers from people around me.

Yeah, yeah, this sucked. Oh well. I wanted to bitch about my height for once.  But the funny thing is that of all my immediate famliy (3 older sisters, 1 younger, mom, and dad), the only person I'm not taller than is my dad. I guess my mom and I are the same height, but that's going to change if I grow just a little bit more :)

Damn, this needs to end with a sad thing.

Um, random time of embarrassment!

My sexy boss tried to high five me once and I just stared at his hand.  I asked, "Oh, am I supposed to high five you?" I high fived him and missed.  He just walked off and laughed.  Then later a server came up to me and held his hand up and said, "It's a high five."  They're still laughing about it. -_-

Well, keep it classy kids! ;)