Touch & Go

7. Dear John

The entire song applies to Iris's feelings, incidentally or not, mine too. I couldn't find the lyric video anywhere, so here is a piano cover. Please listen to the song while reading if you can.

This chapter is dedicated to cityscape because she is honestly one of the best writers I have had the honour to come across. Her works are beautiful beyond measure and I strongly suggest you visit her profile. :)

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"Dear John, don't you think I was too young to be messed with?"

- Taylor Swift, Dear John

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January 28th, 2016

ANGER. Regret. Loathing. Self-hatred.

I was over with these emotions in the past two days. I was never angry at Adam, I held myself responsible for whatever had happened. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't affected by it in the least that got to me. I was devastated in the aftermath while he had continued his life casually. On seeing our hearts didn't break even, I was fuming with volatile emotions.

I was huddled in my duvet with green tea with honey and lemon, watching reruns of Downtown Abby when I heard my sister shout, "Tidy your hair, monkey, he's here to see you!"

I did my best to do just that in the one minute I got before the door opened to reveal a calm looking Theodore who settled next to me without a word.

"I'm sorry, Theo. I didn't mean to be so dramatic back there, it just happened."

"I'm sure it was justified. I asked Adam why you had acted that way and he didn't explain anything, just ran around in circles. But," he looked serious now, "he did mention it was your nineteenth birthday the day before yesterday"

"Twentieth" I said in a low voice.

"I knew I should have punched him more than once." I laughed at that and glanced at his knuckles, no doubt there, he had squarely punched Adam, hopefully in the face.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm not doing the explaining now."

"I need to know, Irie. He's my closest cousin. I have to know how he has wronged you, and possibly many others. For you, if not him." I sighed at that. He had a point. He deserved to know for he cared for the both of us.

"Don't make this story-telling heart-to-heart a habit, Eddie." I said lightly, knowing the mood was sure to darken in the coming minutes.

"I can't promise, Eddie." He smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I met Adam at school when I was sixteen. It was your typical high school love. He caught my attention at first sight and we clicked from the very beginning, one thing led to another and we confused infatuation for true love. Over the years, I grew to care for him deeply and my infatuation turned to love somewhere along the blurred lines. I thought he felt the same, clearly, he didn't. It was as good as it got, our friends were jealous, the teachers were barmy and shipped us, his parents thought he would finally learn a good thing or two and I thought I had all I ever wanted. Only I didn't, I should have known it was too good to be true. On my eighteenth birthday, he missed the school dance and told me he was busy. A lot of our friends had told me how Adam wasn't truthful, but I trusted him more than I trusted myself."

"When I reached home, I thought about everything that had happened in the second half of our relationship. I felt every missing puzzle piece fit in place. The calls he'd never pick, the topics he would avoid, the locked door to his room, the way he'd glance at his messages. I thought I'd give him space and let him live his life, I wasn't a leech. But didn't do me any good, did it?"

"Iris, listen to me, it wasn't your fault you trusted him. Friends aren't doubted. You were right to give him space, he was wrong to misuse it. Cheating on someone is downright cowardly. And ruining a friendship is even worse. I'm assuming you never talked to him again?"

"After he broke me, I didn't pick any of his calls. I would run into him at supermarkets and in town often, but I scurried away before he could say anything. I knew I'd take him back without a second thought."

"There's a little problem, Iris."

"I understand if you don't want to get involved with you brother's ex." I knew this would happen.

"No, no! It's just that his father, my uncle, is my guardian. So, you might have to meet him again."

"Guardian?" I was puzzled.

"It's a long story for perhaps some other time."

"This isn't fair, Theo." I hardly knew anything about him.

"Who said I was?" He tried to smirk.

Silence enveloped us and the quiet seeped into the space between our heartbeats.

"I tend to hold onto people."

"I'm in for a long ride, then." He scooted closer and held my gaze.

I wanted to say something but it died on my lips, my eyes unable to tear away from his captivating orbs. It was then that I noticed the sharp edge of his jaw, his cutting cheekbones and his thin-lipped smile. Right when I was going to lean in, he spoke.

"I could give you a thousand reasons, but none of them can say I love you and mean it as much as I do." And before I could tell him what I felt, his lips met mine in a soft dance to a tune I had long forgotten.

It wasn't rushed and it wasn't sensual, it was the perfect mix of gentle and meaningful. I realised I wasn't good at voicing my feelings anyway, and I certainly won't be able to after my mind had turned to mush. So after Theo had distanced himself from me by an inch, I caught his lips again, attempting to tell him I strongly felt for him too.

This time, he was amused, and he responded immediately; holding my face in his hands and teasing me by stopping for a few seconds then continuing before I could complain. When I grew frustrated of his antics, I bit into his bottom lip, albeit lightly. I realised my hands  had involuntarily made their way beneath his t-shirt and were now resting on his shoulder blades. He responded with wide eyes and a pained face. I assumed his pain was because I'd bit down too hard but when my eyes followed his hand that reached to adjust his jeans right above his crotch, I tore my gaze away, blushing a crimson colour.

I would have successfully ignored the situation had it not been his groan that followed. I couldn't avoid the embarrassment now. I tried a desperate diversion.

"The weather is a little calm today." I said and he groaned again.

"Iris," he whined, "you can't talk about the weather after doing that to me." I chuckled nervously.

He got up with a determined expression and headed to my iPod dock, played The Lion Sleeps Tonight and smiled triumphantly.

"That should help." Was it wrong to hope it didn't?

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Edited :)

love, sirrah.