Touch & Go

15. Unsteady

PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS. OKAY. THANKS.

1. Yes, I just broke the Taylor-Ed chapter trail because nothing goes as planned.

2. This song reminded me too much of Theodore. LISTEN TO IT.

3. I'm alive. I know I've been gone for over 2 months and you've forgotten but bare with me because people disappear. Enjoy Iris's POV.

4. Summary- Iris moves countries because of her father's paralysis. Theo is left to deal with his problems on his own.

5. This is sometime in 2018 i.e. 2 years later.

6. Yes, I cried. Yes, this is melodramatic. Sue me, I'm an optimistic author.

~~~

"Hold onto me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady."

- X Ambassadors, Unsteady

~~~

Sometime in 2018

UNSTEADY. Unaware. Unprepared.

It was a typical busy Monday morning at Drew's Brews. I had my hair pinned up in a hurried bun, my apron tightly tied around my waist and my pen and diary out in my hands, ready to take the many orders.

"An americano for you, Sir. And a caramel latte for the lady?" I smiled at the couple seated in front of me. While the woman was busy scrolling through her emails, the man looked at his copy of the DailyMail with concern. They were dressed in iron-pressed suits, their expressions stoic. I knew better than to wait for tight-lipped smiles in return so I turned on my heel and headed to my favourite barista, Em, who waited patiently behind the counter. Handing her the slip of paper, I blew away at a stray strand and humphed.

"Long run?" she asked as she set the order on the counter.

"I think it's the lack of sleep getting to me." I picked up the tray and spun around.

"Three days, Eddie. And table near the window!" Of course I had noticed the hooded figure that had staggered towards the table near the window. Seven months too many had made me experienced when it came to regulars and run-aways. This one? Certainly a run-away. At 7am? Sketchy.
I pulled out my diary and without wasting another minute, greeted him.

"So, what can Drew's Brews fix for you on this blue morning?" I waited for the man to order a steaming hot cup of coffee but received none. Tearing my eyes away from the paper, I looked directly at him.

"Finely ground black coffee to match my heart. With a shot of Nectar, if that's not too much trouble, of course." spoke a voice I had replayed over and over again for months on an end. Locks of hair fell into his eyes which he swept at sheepishly. His hazel eyes looked tired and his lips smiled exhaustedly.

And while my eyes registered the tiny details that had changed in these two years, my insides had been going crazy. My palms grew sweaty, my gut tried clenching into a little ball and my heart stammered. To put it into simpler words- fuzzy tummy.

"You!" I stood dumbstruck. "You, you, you!" I threw the diary at his face and pocketed the pen, ready to attack him. Emotions overtook me and all sense left my body.

"Me, me, me!" he grinned. Then stood tall and engulfed my tiny little body in the warmest hug I'd received in years. I stood on my tippy toes and ran my hands through his hair, inhaling his musky scent, feeling the way-too-familiar comfort, soaking in the warmth. We stood still; time stood still.

"How much I've missed you." He spoke softly, his voice giving away his exhaustion.

I let go and combed back his hair, smiling softly.

"I'll go and get your order in a minute. I'm fairly certain we've run out of Nectar though." I laughed a bit, knowing what his Greek allusion was aimed at; his split lip, black eye and sore cheek.

"You have all the Nectar I need. Only if you let me sip from your lips." He spoke so sincerely, I was afraid my heart would leap straight out of chest and into his arms. Before I could muster a response for the goofball, Em appeared out of nowhere, with the widest smile I'd seen on her face all month.

"Allow me the pleasure of serving the both of you." She smiled at him and winked at me, knowing well this was the Theodore who'd taken up most of our midnight conversations. She left just as quickly as she'd arrived, leaving behind an air of silence.

I stared at him for a long minute, my fingers longing to trace every contour, touch every inch of his face.

"How have you been?" I asked, wanting to know everything that had crossed his mind ever since I'd left.

"Numb." There was no bitterness in his voice though, just plain weariness.

I smiled at him sadly and leaned forward to interlace our fingers for only god knew how much I had craved his touch every night.

"You changed your number, didn't reply to my emails. You disappeared, Iris. I needed you. I needed you to tell me I'd be okay. I needed you to tell me I won't break."

I didn't know how to feel; what to feel. How to tell him I never found the courage to read his emails because I knew I'd break. What to feel when I heard him say my name after so long. How to say disappearing was the only way I knew. What to explain and what not to. How not to break down.

"I'm sorry, Theo. I truly am. But this is how I am. I slip away." I looked deep into his orbs, finding all that was lost. He stared at my face, knowing there was more where this came from.

"It was hard. The first few months back home were hard. I didn't know what to do with the memories of you. Fast forward 5 months and I learned to keep my emotions at bay, hide you in my thoughts. I found a part time job at a book store near the corner of the street. I'd spend my days reading and re-reading torn pages of used books, writing their words on my skin in black ink, and thinking what would happen if you'd walk in.

A year passed by and we all learned to live with the fact that there was nothing we could do to help father. This was how it was meant to be. So I packed my bags and decided to continue my independent research at the University of Vienna. New Years' Eve, I got mad pissed. The alcohol swam in my bloodstreams, but I was too numb to feel. I woke up drunk in the backyard of someone's house and no recollection of the night before. Maybe I wanted to forget all the times I'd spent clawing at my heart that year.

The first few months of 2017 and I learnt that nostalgia was a dirty liar that insisted things were better than they seemed. I found this quaint café on a stormy night. Found a twenty-something boy leaning against the door, breathing out smoke rings and watching them disappear into the night. He said his name was Drew and that he had fresh baked cookies inside, courtesy of Em, his twin sister. Café, baking, sugary smile. Drew is queer, Em is anorexic and I'm, well, me. They offered me a job and there was no reason I would give up a chance to start over.

So here I am. Sure, I've lost a few pieces of me on the way to here, but I've learned to hold myself together."

Theo blinked, breaking his concentrated gaze. His eyes silently held mine, telling me he had his fair share of stories to tell. He stood up and so did I. He held me by the waist and touched my cheek with the back of his hand.

"Fix me?" and when he held my hand over his beating heart, I knew he meant more than his busted lip.

I closed my eyes and kissed his chest for I knew, in that moment, we were lost and found.

~~~

Please leave me a comment if you're confused about the plot.

and thank you for being so patient.

major theo x iris moments coming in these last 5 chapters.

don't let go.

keep believing.

much love,  sirrah.