Perfections' Wake ~ Book 1

The Parting

Chapter 11

<Sarahanne's POV> 

During the whole walk all that was said was when I accidentally bumped into Josh and mumbled a "sorry". It was extremely awkward between us and I just wanted it to be okay again, tickling each other and loving each other. He made me happy and honestly loved. We hadn't said the words to each other, but I mean I figured he loved me. I didn't understand this whole "relationship" thing. I just have been used my whole life so when someone actually loved me I didn't know how to accept it. I didn't even accept the feelings that Josh made me feel. I shouldn't feel guilty going back into reality and seeing my baby girl, but I do. Don't get me wrong I miss her, but I don't know how I will feel when I get into the real world without him because this one night has felt like an entirety. 

"Miss, Miss...?" Said our waitress Candy who was blatantly and rudely smacking her gum. Josh nudged my arm. Oh, shit. We were sitting in a booth about to order. I guess I just got lost in my thoughts. That happens more than often now that I've met blue jay.

"Um, yeah can I just get orange juice and a waffle?" I asked not really feeling up to eating, but I know I should try.

"Yup, and ya?" The waitress asked Ian. She continued around the table until finally everybody ordered.

~~~~~~~~~~

Our food came after what seemed like a years worth of awkwardness and me looking down sadly. The only time I felt comfortable was when Josh reached over and held my hand. We stayed like that until we were forced to pick up our forks and eat. I could tell Josh didn't really feel like eating either. Ian, Matt, and Mike however, were scarfing down their filled-to-the-brim plates until they were burping and comfortably sighing. 

"You guys all set to go?" Said Matt raising his eyebrows twice.

"Yeah, let's get out of here. I can't believe you guys didn't eat more though! I was starving." Said Mike gesturing with his hand toward our half full plates.

"They have big portions here." Josh replied rolling his eyes. He grabbed my hand and led me out of the booth. He told me to go outside and he'd be right there. I nodded and, curiosity getting the best of me, I turned around to see what Josh was doing. I missed him by my side...

<Josh's POV>

I locked eyes with Sarahanne for a quick second noticing she was watching me talk to Ian. If  anybody would understand my request it was him. So I bend down and asked him quietly, "Hey do you mind distracting the guys for a little while I say goodbye to Sarahanne?" 

He half smiled, patted me on the back quickly, and stated simply, "I got you man."

"Thanks Ian." I nodded at him before making my way over to Sarahanne.

I heard Ian behind me, "Hey guys I kinda want to try out their milkshakes. We got time eh?" He proposed.

My steps felt... heavy. My chest felt... tight. I was scared shit-less  to let beautiful go. I didn't want to Not one bit. I opened the door to the Denny's and lead her to the tour bus silently, pausing when I got to the front door of it. This is where we say goodbye. 

<Sarahanne's POV>

I locked eyes with Josh. Immediately I pulled away and started sobbing audibly. I felt like I was going to fall, and apparently my legs gave out because I felt strong arms catch me and pull me into their chest. I cried for about two minutes uncontrollably before hearing, "Beautiful you can't do this to me it's not fair." I literally was going to throw up. He was making it harder, but then I understood why he said it. I looked up into his dim eyes. 

"You can't cry and then walk away from me. I can't stand the image of you crying and hurt when I'm not there to comfort you beautiful. It's not fair. I want you happy. I want you to have everything... because you deserve everything." He held onto the bus for support, his eyes shimmering with emotion. "It's been one night, but feels like a lifetime. When I'm with you, it seems like all the clocks in the world are broken." He sobbed silently trying to hold it back while I let tears fall freely down my face as I pulled him into me. I made my kisses hungry, but full of emotion. As he cupped my face he wiped away my tears with his thumbs. When our kiss finally broke, we were gasping for air as Josh set my forehead on his, not breaking any space between our bodies. I hugged him desperately needing him. We hugged and sobbed as Josh softly sang the chorus to Beside You in my ear. 

"If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 

And I will hide you when it gets too much 

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you"

 He finished the song, kissed the top of my head and whispered, "I love you Sarahanne beautiful Jackson."

I looked longingly into his perfect eyes, wanting this moment to never ever end and proclaimed the truth, "I love you too Josh blue jay Ramsay." I smiled a sad smile telling myself to be strong. I felt him shift. I looked at his face. He was looking at the Denny's entrance. I craned my neck to see what was there. I sighed in defeat when it was my taxi. I looked back into Josh's' face trying to memorize his beautiful eyes, the bridge of his nose, the adorable little Canadian lines forming around his mouth. I panicked a little inside. My heart hurt as he opened his mouth slightly revealing his silver tongue ring. My eyes wandered back to his hair that just last night, I had my hands in exploring each hair with my fingertips as I moaned, pleasure shooting from the pads of my fingers.

I squeezed my eyes shut as he whispered into my goose-bump infested neck, "Goodbye, my perfect porcelain." I cringed with sadness as I knew what was to come. I gathered all my strength and kissed his parted mouth. Then, I squeezed his sweaty palm, and stumbled off toward the taxi, before I started balling like an idiot. I got in the car and bent down to put my head in my hands. I missed his... everything already.

<Josh's POV>

My world, my heart, my strength crumbled at the sight of her leaving like that. I ran into the tour bus, and blindly texted Ian to come trying to see the Blackberry screen through my tears. Well at least she had my number. I slipped it into her phone under "Blue jay<3" when she was sleeping. I lost myself into my guitar in my bedroom as I felt the bus start moving. I heaved shaky sobs not caring if the guys heard me. 

I need her. I want her... but now she's gone. A strangled sob escaped me, and at this point, I wasn't even trying to hold them in anymore.