Hetalia self-harm and depression (Canada) (PruCan)

Chapter 1

The only think I could think of was the pain in my stomach. No it wasn't a stomach ache, it was much more then that. I looked down at the red and pink cuts I did about a hour ago. I did it because my family didn't call me down to eat with them, so I guess I just won't eat anything today, I could lose some weight anyways. I stared at my phone screen, the brightness burning my eyes a little, and focused on the video I was watching.

It was 'The Forrest' part 3 'Rise of the titbabies' by Minx, and 4 of her friends, Doxy, Gab, Alpaca, and Sinow. I laughed slightly as they reacted to the 'titbabies' as Minx had named them. I cringed at the small pain on my stomach that made itself known, looking down, and seeing the many lines on my skin. I looked to my arms, many lines were covering up to my elbow on my left arm, but they're only a few were on my right arm because I'm right handed. I looked to my upper legs where 13 cuts were, dried blood on the edges surrounding it.

I smiled a bit as I stared at them, sickeningly happy at the lines marking my skin, and each time they left I was sad to see them leave. I looked around my room, the video still playing in my ears, and at all the holes, blood, and knives sticking out from the walls. Nobody knew, since no one hears or notices me, but I have a huge temper. I've gotten so mad I put holes in the wall with different tools, or screamed so loud in class because the teacher would skip over me, and would never hand me the worksheet or test.

I looked over at the other side of my bed at my bear, Kuma-something or another. I've had him for years, my papa and dad gave it to me when I turned 2, I am 15 now, and I always forget what I named him. I continue watching the video, and notice it's 9:45. So I get up from my warm bed, and turn off my lamp, my ceiling light broke so the only thing I have for light is that lamp. Once it's off I look around my room, darkness surrounding me, and begin to get scared. I ignore the fear, walk back to bed, lay down, and pulled the blanket over my scared body.

At first it's not bad, but that didn't last for long. I saw a flash of light dart from one side of the room to the other, and I sat up, seeing a shadowly figure standing by the edge of my bed. I begin to shake, my eyes wide.

'Shh Matthew it's ok, remember it's not really there'

I try to remind myself, but can't as another thing of light moves over my lamp. I get up quickly, open my door, and turn on the guest room light. My house is built kind of weird. It's pretty old, built in the 1960s, and at first my room, the guest room, and the hallways leading to both weren't there. It was added later on because the people that lived here before us had a growing family. I didn't mind being so far from my parents and Alfred, because I don't have to hear them walking around, or talking. I walk back to bed, light filling the room, but not enough to keep me awake, smiling to myself, and turning my phone on. I put it on a playlist that I have called 'sleep' which has a few 'best of' different games that Game Grumps played.

I smiled lightly, and closed my eyes to sleep, but opened them a few minutes later a look of slight anger on my face. I turned over, and tried to get comfortable, but I couldn't. This went on for what seemed like hours, but was really only about 45 minutes, me tossing and turning, but just not able to get to sleep. Finally I fell into a sleep, but the problem was it was one of those nights. I don't know how many times I woke up, but said fuck it when I checked the time, and it read 5:27. I usually get up at 6:30, and I have to start walking to school about 8:30, plus I like to shower in the morning. I just watched YouTube on my phone until my alarm clock went off at the set time, and I sadly got up from my warm blankets to start the day.

'Let's hope today is better, maybe it will be a day where Alfred makes sure you get the work.'

I thought, but it most likely wasn't going to happen. A little about my brother is that Alfred is pretty popular, and had quite a few girls trying to get with him. He plays all the sports pretty much, only his grades aren't the best. He's the athletic and popular brother, well I'm the nerdy and quiet brother, not the mention the alone brother. I walk into the shower, no one else was up yet, turning the water on, waiting a minute for it to warm up, and get in. I sigh as the warm water hits my skin, smiling to myself. This was one of my favorite times of day, no one else was awake yet, and the only thing I focused on was the sound of the water and the heat hitting me. I washed my hair slowing, staying until the water turned cold, before getting out and putting a towel around my waist. I shivered a bit when I walked into my room, if you wondering why it's because my room is the coldest one in the house. I like the cold because I was born and raised in Canada.

I pick out one of my many hoodies, and put in on over my shirt, I had chosen my red hoodie with a while maple left on it, and my polar bear shirt, which were my favorite things to wear. I finished dressing, and checked the time again. '7:15' it read. I sighed, sitting back on my bed, and pulling out my phone. I turned on some music, and went to one of my unfinished books. I began to work on it as I waited for everyone to wake up, papa usually makes breakfast, and he mostly remembers to make me some.

My story is about these three friends, and how they find a book written by the most 'perfect' girls in school which says all of their secrets in it, and they plan to tell everyone the secrets at prom to get back at them for the years of bullying, but instead the 'perfect' girls tells everyone many of one of the 3 best friends, the shy Russian one, secrets. Including the reason she left Russia with her parents and middle brother, which leads everyone, including the 2 other best friend, to leave her alone.

I've already finished the ending because I couldn't help it, and my goal is for it to make people cry, which is a weird goal I have for a few other books I'm writing. I hear Alfred's alarm go off, it's really loud because it takes a bomb to wake that boy up, and know it's time to go downstairs. I grab my backpack, finished homework and...well don't tell anyone but I also have a pair of scissors with me. Seems harmless right? That's the idea. No one would find it weird to have scissors in school, but I use them for a different reason. They are sharp, and can cause a little bit of bleeding when done correctly, and for whatever sick reason I love seeing blood come from the cuts.

Papa is downstairs, I can smell the food, and hopefully he remembers me this morning. I walk into the kitchen, and papa is singing in French as he made the breakfast.

"Bonjour papa."

I say in my soft voice, he jumps a bit, but turns, and smiles.

"Bonjour Matthieu."

He says, and I smile in my head.

'He remembered! But please tell me this isn't that time again."

I yelled to myself, and smiled at him, before walking to the table, and sitting down. I pull out my phone, and turn on another Minx video, this one is a Cards Against Humanity one. I laughed at the cards as Arthur came downstairs, grabbing one of his awfully cooked scones from the top of the refrigerator, and sat in the seat that had the freshly made tea in it. He looked up to me.

"Hello Matthew."

He said, before taking another sip of tea, and continued to read his news paper. My eyes where wide.

'Oh no, it's one of those times, I always hate these days..."

Alfred ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, his glasses slightly crooked as he ran. Arthur glared.

"Be careful you git!"

He yelled, and Alfred just laughed.

"Whatever you say old man."

This is how it always went. Alfred and Arthur auguring about whatever, then Francis interfering before it gets too loud. Breakfast was set on the table, and papa sat with us, suddenly Alfred piped up.

"Oh yeah! Mattie would you like to eat lunch with me today? Apparently Feliciano's German boyfriend is moving here, and I think you might like him and his brother."

He said loudly, mouth full of food, but as Arthur scolded him for talking with food in his mouth my world stopped.

'Oh shit, not again.'