Hetalia self-harm and depression (Canada) (PruCan)

Chapter 5

Matthews POV:
I ran. I didn't know where I was trying to go, but still I continued to run.

'I don't know anyone named Matthew.'

Tears fell from my eyes as I sobbed. Coming upon a park that my family would go to when me and Alfred were little, I stopped running and began to walk, walking up the sidewalk that lead to the playground.

It was cold from the winter air, it looked like it was going to rain soon, and it was dark outside so I guessed that no one would bother me if I stayed here the night. I walked up to the swings, and sat down on one of them, slightly swinging myself.

"Some people wish to have the power to be invisible."

I said aloud, and chuckled a little as more tears streamed down my face.

"I guess it's easy to say that when you are visible."

I sat in silence, moving my foot against the ground so I swung a few inches up. I felt a raindrop, and chuckled again as more drops hit me.

"This seems like something I would read in a story...a depressed or sad character sitting outside in the rain..."

I sighed.

"Regretting their life..."

Memories began to hit me from 6th grade, April 24, the day my life changed.

"The day that started a part of this Hell."

~flashback~
"Come on just tell me!"

My best friend, Caleb, begged, and I laughed.

"No way!"

I told him, and he smiled.

"Can I guess? And you tell me if I'm correct?"

He asked, and I thought for a second before nodding.

"Sure."

He began to guess, getting it wrong multiple times.

"Do you love me?"

He joked, and I shook my head, but looked over to my other friend, Cole, in disbelief, he gave me a scared look back.

The truth was that I did love him, and didn't want to tell him, but gave in to his begging only 25 minutes later.

"Fine, I will tell you."

I told him with great nervousness, and looked over to Cole.

"C-Can you tell him?"

I asked, walking over to the table next to ours, where some of Alfred's friends sat. Alfred was at a lunch detention that day, but I would see him next period in gym.

He stood up quickly after Cole whispered something in his ear, and walked over to me.

"You want to date me!?"

He yelled, and my world stopped. All air had been taken from my lungs, I couldn't breath, and I was shaking harder then I ever have before. My system had been filled with fear and panic. I wanted to leave, I didn't want to be there anymore, for awhile I wanted to die.

We were dismissed from the lunchroom only a second after that, I quickly stood, and practical ran down the hallway to the gym, not wanted to face my would be ex-best friend.

I had never been more scared in my entire life.

"Mattie?"

The voice of my brother broke my thoughts, and I turned to look at him, eyes widened in panic, and his widened as well. He gripped my shoulders.