Discovering Evelyn

[18]

chapter eighteen:

*song on side if doesn't play on mobile: Back Again- Flor*

Before he even had a chance to react, or I even had a chance to try and remove my hand, I'm squished into his arms tightly. All of the air rushes out of my lungs and it's hard to breathe.

"What are you doing?" I protest trying to push away, but it's no use, his grip is like iron.

He's got his head buried in the crook of my neck and I can feel his warm breath fan across my skin when he speaks. "I'm hugging you."

I roll my eyes and accept my fate, still without being able to breathe properly there a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that hasn't been there in a while.


After a few more moments Carter pulls away but keeps me at arms length.

"You really are something else."

I, taken back, raise my eyebrows, "And just what is that supposed to mean mister?"

He gave a small smile, "You don't wear your heart on your sleeve and you sure as hell don't let people read you like an open book. I've probably told you before Eve, but you're a mystery to me."

I nodded, "You have." I mumble.

This was not how I planned on letting Carter know about me, know about my problems that I was so desperately trying to deal with. In fact I never wanted him to know but sometimes things just come blurting out. Some for the better and others for the worst.

I just was un sure if this was on of those better times or it was the complete opposite.

Letting his hands fall to his lap he stared intently at me for a couple minutes before opening up his mouth again.

"Can I ask you something... about you know.."

I nodded letting out a gush of air. "Yes, and you don't have to beat around the bush, it is out in the open now. You know and I can't take back what I said."

He gave a quick nod. "Okay, I'm sure this will be the same question that your brother would've asked you or has asked you many times..."

I leaned my chin in the palm of my hands, knowing all to well where this was about to go.

"When was the last time you did it."

I refrained from rolling my eyes, " I haven't done it in a long time."

"Why do you still have the box."

"Because I never got rid of it."

"Why."

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I haven't."

"You're not making this very easy on yourself."

"And what do you know?"

I asked a hint of annoyance showing in my voice.

"I know that if you keep something around to remind you of a painfull past you're always going to be stuck remembering. You're never going to be able to get away from it and in your case you're probably not doing yourself any good by keeping them there because it'll just make you fall back into it."

I sucked my lips into my mouth, he had a point but there was always a small part of me that wouldn't give the box up. As much damage as it had done to me, it also acted as my security blanket, it was there to relieve whatever I was feeling.