Impractical Jokers, Practically

Chapter Eighteen

"Sal...uh, how much did you hear?" I think back to what I said on the phone and inwardly cringe. 

"I heard most of it." He doesn't look too happy and no wonder. He basically heard me say that I forgive him and the guys but only so that I can move back in. It sounds so selfish. 

He looks lost, like he doesn't know what to do next, and I knew that this was the time to talk. He and I desperately needed to talk privately, lay out everything that we're feeling, and move on from there. Jenna's right: it's important to do so because it might help resolve some of our issues. And seeing the look on his face right now...talking to him about everything I'm feeling is the only way I can think of that might help. 

Before he can think about going anywhere, I grab his hand and pull him inside my room. Closing the door behind me, I start pacing back and forth across the bedroom. Sal sits on my bed and looks uncomfortable. 

"We need to talk." That's all I say and those four little words made him look even more uncomfortable. His hands are shaking. I wonder if it's because he's angry about what he just heard me say or because he's scared about what I'm going to say next. I'm frankly not sure what terrifies me more. 

"R-really? Talk? About what?" He tries to play it cool, but it's not working. 

I stop pacing so that I can look at him. "Look, Sal, I--A lot has been going on and it seems like there's so much drama lately.  I can't remember a day in the last week that hasn't been chaotic and strange. Everything has been so strange. And I can't help but notice that it seems to have started when we started liking each other."

"So...so what exactly are you trying to say?" 

I try to think about the best way to put my thoughts into words. "Maybe everything is too messy when we're together. So much so that it makes me feel like maybe we're just not meant to be. It was easier when we were just friends, come on, admit it."

Sal pauses for a second, thinks deeply, then says, "Yeah, it might have been easier but...not better. Things might be more tougher when we're together, but I would rather be with you. I'd rather be together then have us be just friends. It would kill me to be with you every single day, working with you, living with you, but not being with you. Watching you marry someone else, someone that's not me, that wouldn't be...uh, ideal. So I'd take the drama that comes with us being together. Beats the alternative." He frowns. 

"Aw, Sal, that's really...sweet." I smile. "But, this isn't a fairytale. Let's be realistic. We might not make it, we'll fall apart, the show will fall apart. And how could we remain friends? Things will get awkward."

"Well, I can guarantee that I will always hold on to us. I believe in us. So if things get rocky for a little bit, I know that I won't give up. I don't see myself with anyone else. You don't have to worry about me changing my mind or something."

"That's the thing. I do worry." Tears fill my eyes. "I worry because it's like, how can you not get bored or want someone better? Why me? You're Sal Vulcano, you can have anyone you want, and you're settling for me?" 

It looks like he wants to get up and comfort me, but he's still wary about us, about the phone conversation, that he stays put. 

"Alexa...listen to me. I don't want anyone else. How could you put yourself down like that? You're beautiful and smart, kind, and genuine. I love your personality and that you laugh at my jokes. You want to know what I like most about you? The way you make me feel. When I say something funny to make you smile, and you're laughing, it's like wow, it gives me this feeling that no one...no one else gives me. I'm not settling at all, I just know. I look at you and I know. You're the one for me."