Impractical Jokers, Practically

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Days past. We're still the same couple, but things are different. I can tell that Sal is trying to be...careful around me. He's trying hard not to mention our future, not bringing up any substantial conversation really, and he's being aloof. Like he's too afraid to hold my hand in fear that I'll say it's too soon. Because he thinks I won't commit. 

And I feel like shit. For saying no to his proposal. For causing him pain. For making him think that I don't want to marry him. 

Because I do. 

Nothing would make me happier than being his wife. 

But I royally fucked up. And now I'm paying for it. 

We didn't bring up the proposal since. The elephant in the room was just going to stay there for a while. Making us both feel uncomfortable. 

I've been beating myself up for saying no to Sal when I had the chance to say yes. The last couple of days, it's been hard to look at Sal without cringing. I just feel so bad. 

I think Sal knows that I've been different. Acting different. But for the wrong reason. He thinks I'm not ready to commit to him, to us, that I'm not ready to love him for the rest of our lives, and that's why I've been so quiet. Truth is, I want him to propose again. I want to make it right. But he's going to have to do it. I don't want to spoil anything by basically shouting in his face, "Sorry! I want to get married! Propose already!"

No, I'm going to have to wait for him to get the courage to do it again.

If he gets the courage. 

Too bad we're done filming the show for a while because I could really use a distraction. 

Sighing, I let my spoon drop in the cereal bowl, hardly eating any of the breakfast that I've prepared, and look up in time to see Sal standing there, watching me. I give him a small smile, but inwardly wince at the idea of us making small talk.

There's a long history between us and suddenly, because of one instance, we're resorting to only talking about the weather? 

"So, I think Joe said that we're running out of milk, Q said we need more peanut butter, and Murray mentioned bread and a bunch of other stuff. Basically, we need to go grocery shopping badly." To anyone else, it would seem like Sal is being normal. But I can tell that he's trying hard to keep a distance. Even in his words. 

"Yeah, I just finished the last of the milk." I point to the bowl that I was sort of eating. "It's funny Q was the one to mention that we're out of peanut butter considering he doesn't even eat it."

Sal, while chuckling a little, responds with, "Yeah. Guess he's looking out for us." He turns serious. "Anyways, Joe suggested that you and me should go to the, um, store together and, uh, get what we need."

"You and me?" That was the first thing that popped in my head so I said it out loud but instantly regretted it. Sal could see the resistance in my face, hear it in my voice, and the tension between us immediately consumed the room. 

It made Sal pause and really look at me, "Yeah. You and me. Together. I don't see a problem. If I'm not mistaken, we are still dating, right?"

I quickly nod my head, but Sal continues, "Unless going to the grocery store is too fast, too soon. Maybe we should slow down. Picking out what type of cold cuts we want might be too much for you."

Ouch. Clearly, I hurt Sal more than he lets on. I don't mind going together, nothing could be more normal, I just want things to go back to the way they were. Without us stepping around each other all the time. I'm embarrassed because I said no, he's embarrassed that I said no, but I want to feel like Sal and Alexa again.