InkeQuizzles and Chocolate Cake

THE CHOCOLATE CAKE SOCIETY WILL HAVE THEIR REVENGE

I'm afraid I have terrible news for you dear Wattpaddians, which I am very glad I have the pleasure to give.

Armo Schmutterwutzer, the author of these idiotic nonsense tales, has been arrested by Womchuberwuzzian authorities. 

At the very moment, the real Armo Schmutterwutzer is in the maximum security Womch Prison, located in the wonderland described in the chapter titled 'What Happened to Your Friend Who Ate the Mysterious Cheese'. About ten months ago, he had foolishly released the secrets about the Womchuberwuzzle's sacred Inkequizzles, and he was sought after only a few seconds after he published the article online. 

It took the Womches almost an entire year to capture Mr. Schmutterwutzer, who has proven himself to be quite elusive. While he continued to update his stories online, he moved across almost fifteen planets and dwarfs, which included Venus, Jupiter, Pluto, plus entirely fictional planets which he teleported to, using the power of hallucinogenic Inkequizzles. Deciding to keep a low profile from even the Wattpaddians, he made no further updates on his whereabouts.

Yet he didn't know he was being followed by an entire spy the entire time. And that spy was yours truly.

Yes, that's right. I am the one that lead Mr. Schmutterwutzer to his demise, and it was all through blackmail.

I suppose I should introduce myself. I am the infamous Lord of Chocolate Cake, the sworn enemy of the Womchuberwuzzles (my selfie is above. And no, I'm not Nicolas Cage. I'm just a cupcake who looks like him.)  My people have been fighting the makers of the inkequizzles for many generations, for reasons I shall keep secret.

When I heard that Armo had infiltrated the Womchuberwuzzles and stole the secret of the Inkequizzle, I quickly went after him in hopes that he would cooperate with me in destroying the secret society. I met him while he was camping out on Venus ( he was also gathering info for Venusians Are Real - They're Just Lying Stupidheads) and asked him about the Inkequizzles, while he was wrestling a Venusian dwarf that was trying to steal his cookies.

"You must know, Mr. Schmutterwutzer you will have much power if you join us," I said. "We're after the same enemy."

"Get the hell away from me, you damned creatures! This is very hard for me to say, I know, but you're all food! Your only purpose in life is to be eaten! Now that you know the truth, leave me alone and let me eat all the cookies I want!" he screamed and flailed a broom at me. 

I didn't know it at the time, but apparently he had eaten some very spoiled dark chocolate when he stole it from another dwarf, thus he mistakened me for a giant chocolate bar who sought revenge for his fallen brother. Which wasn't too stupid of him; I am, after all, just a giant piece of cake. 

I kept following him from planet to planet, trying to ask him to join me, but he always made excuses not to talk to me or answer my calls. I let this go on for ten months, but eventually I had gotten fed up with him. 

A few days ago, I followed Armo to the obscure planet of Bucket Toast, where the Deserted Desert of Desserts is located. Although I don't know where the secret headquarters of the Womchuberwuzzles are, I did know he did go back there to steal more Inkequizzles. A very stupidly impulsive maneuver, I must say, however he was still careful. If it weren't for me being there, there was no chance he would've been caught.

I snuck into his castle and hid in his bedroom, waiting for him to come home. When he walked through his room, I stepped out of the closet and greeted him. He jumped and hid the Inkequizzles in his coat.

"What are you doing in here?" he demanded.

"I would like to ask you why you won't cooperate with us," I said, holding up a cellphone.

"Money's against my religion, I don't have any to pay the bills! Now go away!" he said.

"Stop pretending you don't know who I am, Mr. Schmutterwutzer," I said. "I know you were the one who stole the secrets of the Inkequizzle, and you're holding even more Inkequizzles in your coat there!"

"....How did you find me?"

"I've been following you this entire time, Armo. You know what we want from you."

"I won't give you anything!"

"Why not, sir?" 

"Because I work on my own!" he said. "The Womchuberwuzzles and the Chocolate Cake Society are both despicable and I seek power for myself!"

"Shame. If you won't give me the Inkequizzle secrets, then I shall just take them from you."

"I won't let you!"

"I've alerted the Womchuberwuzzle authorities. They'll be over in 5 minutes. Care to change your mind?" 

"Never!" 

He sat out the five minutes, while I hid away in another house from the Womchuberwuzzles. Then I took the secrets from his safe and returned to my own headquarters.

I, the Lord of Chocolate Cake, have succeeded.

Soon our plans will go underway. I only just wanted to inform you all about what happened to your dear Armo Schmutterwutzer, and to gloat about my genius and assure doom will come to you all. Never make enemies of Chocolate Cake, my friends. 

To be continued in another series 

Shizzle